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Band 5

High school and university students should be required to complete a certain number of volunteer hours before graduating. Do you agree or disagree?

#school #university #students #volunteer #hours
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Volunteer
 work is deemed to play a crucial role in the civilization society.
Voluntering
Correct your spelling
Volunteering
 is when people spend their time and effort to help others without being paid and
students
 often
volunteer
 to gain valuable experience and give back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. There is a widespread belief that
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 and university
students
 should be required to submit a specific number of
volunteer
 hours before graduating.
Argument
Fix the agreement mistake
Arguments
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 persisted as to whether
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 statement should be accepted or not. Whilst there are convincing rationales on both sides, I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 given opinion. On the one hand, the rule of forcing
students
 to
volunteer
 for a certain number of hours may lead to some problems,
such
 as the feeling of stress and difficulties in organizing academic,
non-academic
Correct word choice
and non-academic
show examples
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
. First of all,
this
 requirement may make
students
 feel
anxiety
Replace the word
anxious
show examples
 and depressed since they are
force
Change the form of the verb
forced
show examples
 to do
this
 if they are not excited in those activities,
for example
.
Secondly
, curriculum programmes in some schools are heavy, and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 part in other activities,
such
 as
volunteer
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 may be a big problem. In that case,
students
 are required to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good time management, and if they can organize all of these, they will have to handle
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
show examples
 schedule, which may
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
 and
mentally
Change the word
mental
show examples
 health.
On the other hand
,
while
 volunteering seems
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 an impossible mission for
students
, it
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 undeniable benefits and overcoming it may teach teenagers some useful
softskills
Correct your spelling
soft skills
.
To begin
 with,
volunteer
 work would help
students
 learn how to love and help others who
are suffer
Change the verb form
are suffering
show examples
 from difficulties, it will be a perfect lesson to improve their moral
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 and encourage them to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 with not only a cold head but
also
 a warm heart.
Moreover
, volunteering requires
students
 to gain more
softskills
Correct your spelling
soft skills
soft-skills
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 time management, emotional management, ... if they want to handle both academic and
extracurriculum
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. They might need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guidance from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
,
teachers
Correct word choice
and teachers
show examples
 and their journey may include obstacles, but once they can overcome
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, they will become a better version of themself. To recapitulate, I strongly agree with the argument that
students
 in high school and university should be required to complete a certain number of
volunteer
 hours before graduating.
While
this
 statement may lead to some
difficuties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 is an opportunity for teenagers to learn more and become stronger, smarter
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 with a
loved-heart
Correct your spelling
loved heart
show examples
.
Submitted by Andy on

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grammar
Be sure to check for grammatical errors and typos such as 'voluntering' and 'effect their physically and mentally health'. Careful proofreading will enhance clarity and readability.
examples needed
The essay can be made stronger by providing more specific examples to support the arguments, adding depth and demonstrating better understanding of the topic.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly. There are instances where sentences could flow more naturally, enhancing the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
introduction
The introduction is clear and sets up the argument effectively, providing a clear stance on the topic.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the thesis, reinforcing the central argument.
balanced argument
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing the ability to consider different perspectives, which enriches the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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