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Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
In modern society, with the rise of processed foods and beverages,
people
 excessively consume unhealthy food
that is
 high in sugar, leading to a wide range of
health
 issues.
Therefore
, some argue that related organizations should increase the cost of sugary
products
 to discourage individuals from consuming them too much. From my perspective, I agree with
this
 viewpoint. The main advantage of raising the product price is that
people
 may consider more carefully whether these foods are necessary, as buying them requires spending more money. It indeed influences
people
’s behaviour, decreasing the desire to purchase sugary
products
 and encouraging them to opt for healthier alternatives, thereby contributing to the decline of
health
 issues and enhancing their
overall
health
 and well-being.
Moreover
, from a social standpoint, higher prices for sugary
products
 can lead to significant benefits.
For example
, as
people
 reduce their consumption of sugary items, there is a decline in the rates of chronic diseases
such
 as heart disease, diabetes, and high cholesterol.
This
 reduction can help healthcare systems save costs in the long term and reduce healthcare expenditures over time.
However
, it is undeniable that increasing the price of these
products
 poses some concerning issues. Most of these items are affordable and convenient for lower-income individuals and families, which means
this
 approach will leave them with fewer options to buy the food they want.
Nevertheless
, the government can offer subsidies for
people
 who wish to purchase healthier food, which not only mitigates
this
 issue but
also
 improves
overall
health
 In conclusion,
while
 raising the price of the product will cause some negative concerns for some, it still leads to numerous positive effects on individuals.
Therefore
, I believe that
this
 approach can efficiently improve
people
’s
health
, promote healthier dietary habits, and diminish the risk of disease.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding more on the negative points to present a balanced view, thereby strengthening your argument.
coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easier to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples that support your arguments clearly and comprehensibly.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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