IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some government say how many children a family can have in their country. they may control the number of children someone has through taxes it is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. do you agree or disagree?

#government #children #country #control #someone #taxes #right #population
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These days, many
nations
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 are following various ways to control the
population
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 of their country. Some are taking measures by imposing taxes on necessary goods. I totally support these measures as
increasing
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the increasing
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population
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 is not only
burdenful
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burden
 for the
nations
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 but it is
effecting
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affecting
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 the
resources
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 around the globe. I will shed more light on the same in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, restricting the total
members
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number of members
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 in a family will help the family itself as
increased
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an increased
the increased
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 number of people will only add to their family
expense
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expenses
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.
This
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 will
also
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 add
burden
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a burden
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 on the
resources
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 given by the government, especially to
lower income
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lower-income
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group
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groups
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 as consumption per capita will increase leading to more demand
of
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for
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 items like food grains,
ration
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rations
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ecetera
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etc
.
According to
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 one of the
report
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reports
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 given by Times Group, countries like Bangladesh
is
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are
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 facing a lot of grain
shortage
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shortages
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due to
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population
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outburst
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outbursts
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 in recent years.
Secondly
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, more
number of
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apply
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occupants will require housing which means more land is required to build those houses. More land requirements
means
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mean
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 deforestation which is already a big concern for many
nations
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.
Thus
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, banning the number of people in one
houshold
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household
 is
utmost
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of utmost
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important
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importance
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.
For instance
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, in developing countries like
India
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India,
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 a lot of money is spent on providing basic necessities of life to their citizens
instead
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 of
utilization
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utilising
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 the same
resources
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 on building the country's development.
To conclude
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, countries opting for
population
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 control is the right step towards building
a developed
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a developed nation
developed nations
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nations
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 as
resources
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 being used to feed and uplift the citizens can be used in providing a better place to live for them.
Submitted by bindiya.gupta01 on

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, it’s important to more precisely define the measures being discussed. Your essay mentions taxes on necessary goods but then shifts towards limiting family size, which could confuse readers.
coherence cohesion
You should aim to use a clearer logical structure by explicitly linking your reasons and examples to your argument. For example, rather than stating 'restricting the total members in a family will help the family itself,' you could elaborate more comprehensively on how these restrictions contribute to national benefits.
task achievement
Enhance your use of relevant and specific examples to bolster your points. For instance, regarding deforestation, providing statistical data or citing more specific studies would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs for better flow. Sometimes, your arguments jump between ideas without a strong connection, slightly affecting the overall coherence.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear stance and you maintain consistency in your viewpoint throughout the piece.
task achievement
The points on resource strain and the economic burden on lower-income families are relevant and well-explained.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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