IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Do children behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded? Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

#children
It is believed that the behaviour of
children
 depends on whether they are being rewarded or physically punished. I do agree with the
reward
 concept and will outline both aspects.
To begin
 with, the concept of
reward
 not only creates a positive impact on the well-being of
children
 but
also
 disciplines them. To achieve
this
 idea, a set of rewards can be introduced to encourage
children
 with an understanding that in order to achieve the
reward
 they need to be on their best behaviour.
For instance
, parents or guardians can gift their
children
 a
reward
 of their choice if they successfully meet their parameters.
On the other hand
, physical punishment can
also
 be beneficial in some rare scenarios. Many
children
 may or may not behave better if they do not face any consequences for their actions.
However
,
instead
 of strictly punishing a child it would be better to keep the severity of a punishment low to a certain extent only.
For instance
, adults can physically punish a child if they are not following their instructions even after they are being repeatedly told.
To conclude
, the idea of whether
children
 behave mannerly when they are physically punished or rewarded is multifaced, but in my opinion, rewarding
children
 is the best concept as it does not hamper the development of a child and they can live openly without fear of being physically punished over small mistakes.
Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer introduction that explicitly states both views before providing your opinion. For example, 'Some people believe that children behave better when they are physically punished, while others think that rewarding good behavior is more effective. I agree with the latter view.'
coherence cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each idea is clearly linked back to the overall argument. Try to develop each point further with more detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
The conclusion is brief and should summarize the main points more effectively. Reinforce your opinion by restating the benefits of rewarding children and acknowledging the limited applicability of physical punishment.
task achievement
The writer clearly expresses their opinion and supports it with arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized into well-defined paragraphs, each focusing on a specific idea.
task achievement
The use of examples helps to illustrate the points being made, making the argument more concrete.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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