Nowadays, sport is becoming a business and more and more professionals and big companies are getting involved in sporting events. Do you think it is a positive development or negative development?
In
this
contemporary epoch, sport is becoming a business-oriented activity and it is losing its importance as an activity to represent fun and passion. This
changing scenario helps in increasing the government’s GDP as well. This
essay will delve into its advantages and will lead to a logical conclusion.
To begin
with, most of the gigantic companies organize sports events in huge stadiums with a motive to get a higher number of visitors. A proliferation in
viewers will be helpful for the firms to advertise their products on huge platforms during the break in games. A big stage will result in lucrative profits. Change preposition
of
Similarly
, Pepsi has adopted this
policy and has increased its profits by 10% around the globe.
Moreover
, it has benefits to players as well because it assists to encourage, motivate, and boost their morale. They get a tremendous platform to present their skills in front of everyone and get fame. If they are lucky most professional coach from other nationals offers them their tutoring, consequently
, winning team enthusiasm will be boosted. Meanwhile, the government benefits due to
expensive tickets to the stadium that people pay to watch the games. Thus
, more money comes into the country.
In my opinion, the involvement of business firms is not only beneficial for them to increase their sales,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
leads to an increment in the popularity of players. Therefore
, sports personalities with excellent talents can receive huge opportunities that can make their life, in the shade of selling more products.
To conclude
, as per the testimonials mentioned above, advertisements help both parties' players as well as
businessman
. Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
Thus
, adopting this
technique has a lot of advantages to society.Submitted by ss6802125 on
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task achievement
You have effectively addressed the prompt by discussing both advantages and potential benefits of the commercial involvement in sports. However, try to balance your points by briefly mentioning any possible negative aspects, even if you believe the positives outweigh them.
coherence cohesion
While your structure is mostly logical, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs clearly together.
task achievement
Examples like Pepsi's increase in profit are relevant but could be further elaborated. Also, try to provide more specific examples or data to support your claims wherever possible.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps with the overall structure and readability.
task achievement
The ideas presented are comprehensive and address the core issues of the essay topic effectively.
task achievement
You have included a specific example (Pepsi) which makes your point more relatable and credible.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.