IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do children behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The effectiveness of disciplinary methods in shaping
children
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
 has long been debated.
While
Linking Words
 some advocate for physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 as a deterrent, others favour positive reinforcement through rewards.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both perspectives and argue that positive reinforcement is generally more beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
's development. Proponents of physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 argue that it swiftly corrects misbehaviour and teaches
children
Use synonyms
 to respect authority.
For example
Linking Words
, a mild spank or a stern rebuke may immediately halt disobedient
behaviour
Use synonyms
, establishing clear boundaries.
This
Linking Words
 approach, proponents argue, ensures discipline and obedience, crucial for a child's socialization and adaptation to societal norms.
However
Linking Words
, opponents of physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 highlight its potential negative consequences. Research suggests that
children
Use synonyms
 subjected to physical discipline may develop increased aggression and anxiety, affecting their emotional well-being and social interactions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it fails to teach
children
Use synonyms
 alternative ways to handle conflicts or manage their
behaviour
Use synonyms
 in the long term. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 may offer short-term compliance, its potential harm to
children
Use synonyms
's emotional well-being and the lack of long-term behavioural benefits argue against its use. Positive reinforcement,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, promotes positive
behaviour
Use synonyms
 through encouragement and support, contributing to healthy psychological development and strong parent-child bonds. Ultimately, fostering a nurturing environment based on rewards and encouragement is more effective in shaping
children
Use synonyms
's
behaviour
Use synonyms
 positively and preparing them for future challenges.
Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Strengthen the examples provided by adding more specific details or studies to add credibility
coherence cohesion
Ensure a balanced discussion of both views. While you did a good job, a more in-depth analysis of both sides will enhance the overall argument
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulates the main argument.
task achievement
The ideas are clearly presented and the argument for positive reinforcement is convincingly laid out.
coherence cohesion
The language used is formal and appropriate for an academic essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: