Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the numbers of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are many ways to improve general social wellness. Some
poeople
believe that increasing physical activity Correct your spelling
people
facilites
is important, Correct your spelling
facilities
while
others argues
that other measures are required. In Change the verb form
argue
this
essay, i
will discuss both views and give my opinion about the topic.
Nowadays, Change the capitalization
I
health
awareness is rising, more
and more Correct word choice
and more
people
believe that a great way to improve it could be building
new Change preposition
by building
sport
facilities. Change the noun form
sports
This
could motivate people
to workout
and get in shape. Correct your spelling
work out
For example
, it is way easier and safer for people
to run in
a specific route rather than running on the streets where cars go by. Change preposition
on
Furthermore
, if there are several facilites
in a city, Correct your spelling
facilities
such
as pools, basketball grounds, gyms
, it is easier for Correct word choice
and gyms
people
to mantain
healthy habits. Correct your spelling
maintain
This
can lead to an improvement in public
hand.
Correct article usage
the public
On the other hand
, some people
believe that this
could have a small effect on pulic
Correct your spelling
public
health
. They believe that opther
measures are required. Correct your spelling
other
Firstly
, sport sometimes is not the only way to get to a healthy lifestyle. There are many more aspects such
as dietary habits that help improve people
's health
. A person could train everyday
but still have Replace the word
every day
a
poor Remove the article
apply
health
due to
an inadequate diet. Moreover
, people
should pay attention to sodium and sugar contained in drinks and foods.
To sum up
, i
believe that both opinions can help Change the capitalization
I
people
improve their health
. I believe that health
issues often have different causes so it's important to pay attention to what we can control.Submitted by chi63hi
on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
There are quite a few minor spelling and grammar errors (e.g., 'poeople', 'argues', 'mantain', 'hand' instead of 'health'). Pay more attention to proofreading.
clarity
The argument could be further strengthened by providing more detailed examples and evidence.
cohesion
Some sentences could be more cohesive. For instance, the transition between sentences could be smoother, especially when introducing opposing views.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the two views and states that the essay will discuss both, which helps frame the response well.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates your opinion, which provides a solid end to the discussion.
content
The ideas are relevant and cover multiple aspects of the topic, signifying a good understanding of the subject.