Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the numbers of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are many ways to improve general social wellness. Some
poeople
believe that increasing physical activity Correct your spelling
people
facilites
is important, Correct your spelling
facilities
while
others Linking Words
argues
that other measures are required. In Change the verb form
argue
this
essay, Linking Words
i
will discuss both views and give my opinion about the topic.
Nowadays, Change the capitalization
I
health
awareness is rising, Use synonyms
more
and more Correct word choice
and more
people
believe that a great way to improve it could be Use synonyms
building
new Change preposition
by building
sport
facilities. Change the noun form
sports
This
could motivate Linking Words
people
to Use synonyms
workout
and get in shape. Correct your spelling
work out
For example
, it is way easier and safer for Linking Words
people
to run Use synonyms
in
a specific route rather than running on the streets where cars go by. Change preposition
on
Furthermore
, if there are several Linking Words
facilites
in a city, Correct your spelling
facilities
such
as pools, basketball grounds, Linking Words
gyms
, it is easier for Correct word choice
and gyms
people
to Use synonyms
mantain
healthy habits. Correct your spelling
maintain
This
can lead to an improvement in Linking Words
public
hand.
Correct article usage
the public
On the other hand
, some Linking Words
people
believe that Use synonyms
this
could have a small effect on Linking Words
pulic
Correct your spelling
public
health
. They believe that Use synonyms
opther
measures are required. Correct your spelling
other
Firstly
, sport sometimes is not the only way to get to a healthy lifestyle. There are many more aspects Linking Words
such
as dietary habits that help improve Linking Words
people
's Use synonyms
health
. A person could train Use synonyms
everyday
but still have Replace the word
every day
a
poor Remove the article
apply
health
Use synonyms
due to
an inadequate diet. Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
people
should pay attention to sodium and sugar contained in drinks and foods.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, Linking Words
i
believe that both opinions can help Change the capitalization
I
people
improve their Use synonyms
health
. I believe that Use synonyms
health
issues often have different causes so it's important to pay attention to what we can control.Use synonyms
Submitted by chi63hi
on
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grammar
There are quite a few minor spelling and grammar errors (e.g., 'poeople', 'argues', 'mantain', 'hand' instead of 'health'). Pay more attention to proofreading.
clarity
The argument could be further strengthened by providing more detailed examples and evidence.
cohesion
Some sentences could be more cohesive. For instance, the transition between sentences could be smoother, especially when introducing opposing views.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the two views and states that the essay will discuss both, which helps frame the response well.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates your opinion, which provides a solid end to the discussion.
content
The ideas are relevant and cover multiple aspects of the topic, signifying a good understanding of the subject.