IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, when popular consumer products sell well, it is not because of societal requirements but because of advertising's influence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#consumer #products #requirements #influence
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Advertisements
 are an integral part of modern business. In recent times, buyers
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 more influenced by the advertisement of the
products
 rather than
its need
Fix the agreement mistake
their needs
show examples
.
Hence
, the sale of the item goes well. I partially agree with the statement and the reasons for the same are discussed in the following paragraphs. 
To begin
 with, advertising plays a crucial role in shaping consumer preferences and driving the success of popular
products
.
Moreover
, through persuasive techniques, emotional appeals, and strategic branding,
advertisements
 create a strong desire for
products
, influencing purchasing decisions.
Additionally
, many consumer
products
 that sell well are not necessarily addressing societal needs but are successful because of effective marketing strategies.
For example
, the constant promotion of luxury items, sugary snacks, and fashion trends often leads to high sales despite the lack of essential value.
On the contrary
, some
products
 gain popularity
due to
 genuine societal requirements. Items like smartphones, eco-friendly
products
, and
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 goods often see sales because they meet the evolving needs of the people, not just because of advertising.
Advertisements
,
however
, tend to nurture consumerism by enticing people to spend impulsively. So, the line between societal needs and advertising influence is often blurred. In many cases,
advertisements
 tap into existing societal trends and amplify them, making it challenging to distinguish whether the product's success is based on true demand or marketing strategies.
To conclude
,
although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is true that people are influenced by advertising strategies, it does not necessarily mean that they always sideline the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the product.
Submitted by krnveerrsingh on

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider expanding on specific examples that illustrate the impact of advertisements versus genuine societal needs. Specific examples provide concrete evidence supporting your points.
coherence cohesion
You can improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion could be more definitive. Summarize your key arguments succinctly and clearly state the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and your stance, which provides a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay with clear paragraphs that focus on different aspects of the argument.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, demonstrating your ability to consider multiple perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • societal requirements
  • advertising influence
  • consumer preferences
  • persuasive techniques
  • emotional appeals
  • strategic branding
  • purchasing decisions
  • effective marketing campaigns
  • promotion
  • luxury items
  • sugary snacks
  • fashion trends
  • essential value
  • genuine societal requirements
  • evolving needs
  • eco-friendly products
  • health-related goods
  • blurred line
  • amplify
  • true demand
  • marketing strategies
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