IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people today spend most of their free time at home watching TV series or movies instead of going out. Do You think this is right or wrong ?

#people #time #home #tv #series #movies #right
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Nowadays, with the advent of new streaming platforms
such
 as Netflix and YouTube, more and more
people
 prefer to spend their free time at
home
 watching TV shows or movies. I believe that
this
 is a wrong
habits
Change the noun form
habit
show examples
 and
this
 can have many drawbacks, especially on the youngest.
Firstly
, spending too much time at
home
 to watch television could lead to social isolation and could make interaction with others more difficult.
For example
, little children need to interact with others in order to become more mature and improve their communication skills.
Moreover
, staying at
home
 and snaking in front of a movie can
also
 lead to health problems
such
 as sedentarism, weight gain and other health problems. In fact, a sedentary lifestyle can bring cardiovascular problems mainly in elder
people
.
For instance
, after a long day at work, the majority of
people
 prefer to relax over a movie rather than do some physical activity.
Furthermore
, our generation is often exposed to technology
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 every moment of the day, at school or at work with computers and tablets. It would be beneficial for
people
 to stay away from technological devices at
home
 and opt for other hobbies
such
 as baking, reading and listening to music. Those hobbies help us to stimulate creativity and to get in touch with
ourselfs
Correct your spelling
ourselves
show examples
 and they can be an opportunity to connect with friends and family. In conclusion, I believe that watching movies or TV shows sometimes is a good idea but I would limit it because it could turn into a hill-habit.
Submitted by chi63hi on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider using more varied transition words and linking phrases to smoothly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt effectively and covers several reasons why spending excessive time watching TV at home can be detrimental. To improve, try integrating more specific examples to illustrate your points further.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint.
logical structure
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, contributing to a coherent overall structure.
relevant specific examples
You provided specific downsides of spending too much time watching TV, like social isolation and health problems, which are relevant and strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • escapism
  • economical choice
  • financially wiser
  • quality time
  • health risks
  • social isolation
  • face-to-face interaction
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • cardiovascular problems
  • over-reliance
  • real-life skills
  • creative stimulation
  • genres
  • inspiration
  • alleviate stress
What to do next:
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