IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the international student enrolments at three universities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparison where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the international student enrolments at three universities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparison where relevant.
#bar #student #enrolments #three #universities #summarise #information #features #comparison
This
 bar chart depicts the origin of foreign
students
 (from
India
, Nepal, Vietnam, Indonesia, and Colombia) at three universities (
Smithtown
University
,
University
 of Riverview, and
Earlwood
University
) in number of
students
. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
sight
Add a comma
sight,
show examples
 it seems that the
University
 of Riverview is the most popular
university
 trough all the
students
 (with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
7500
students
 from
India
, and decrease
cradually
Correct your spelling
gradually
 to 1300
students
 from Colombia), and two others are dividing the second place
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 of origin of their
students
. We can divide those bars into 3 main groups: with the preference
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Smithtown
University
 (
India
), with the precedency to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Earlwood
University
 (Vietnam and Colombia), and two countries - Nepal and Indonesia - with the same number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 in both Universities (
Smithtown
 and Eatrlwood).
Moreover
, we can highlight
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
India
 as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 country with the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
, studying
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 area - in total 18500
students
.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 first place for them is the
University
 of Riverview with 7500 undergrads, in the
last
 place is the
Earlwood
University
 with 5000
students
.
Furthermore
,
Colambia
Correct your spelling
Colombia
Columbia
 is the country with the least amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 - 3000 in total. The minimal quantity
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 enrolled
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Smithtown
University
 - less
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 1000 undergrads.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the end, it's the similarity of choice between Nepalese and Indonesian
students
 - 4000 and 1000 respectively
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Smithtown
University
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Earlwood
University
.
Submitted by anastasia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, india, smithtown, university, earlwood with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrolment trends
  • steady increase
  • fluctuating enrolments
  • international student numbers
  • comparative analysis
  • favored choice
  • global economic conditions
  • admission policies
  • program offerings
  • student satisfaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: