Many people think that every individual is resposible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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All emotions, but particularly
happiness
, are an extremely complex topic. It is in fact very difficult to find the key to
this
feeling. Many people think that we are responsible for our own
happiness
while
others believe that there are numerous external
factors
that influence us. In
this
essay, I will discuss both visions and give my personal opinion. To start with,
happiness
does come from ourselves and we are responsible for it. It is a personal responsibility, we have to make sure to
control
our feelings and thoughts.
Thus
, by keeping a positive mindset, we can influence our own feelings and so our
happiness
.
Moreover
, setting and reaching goals gives us a sense of gratitude which is
happiness
.
In addition
to that, we can
also
try to
control
our emotions and
happiness
by following a healthy diet, exercising and meditating.
On the other hand
, there are many external
factors
that can make us feel not so happy.
For example
, life situations
such
as financial instability or a poor job could make us feel anxious and
thus
, not delighted.
Moreover
, additional
factors
such
as family, friends and pets could help us and make us feel better.
Additionally
, much simpler things
such
as weather conditions, could have an impact on how we live a moment in our lives. In conclusion, I firmly believe that we are responsible for our own
happiness
most of the time but in some cases, we are influenced by external
factors
.
Thus
, we should focus on our habits and on what we can
control
, since outward
factors
are not in our
control
.
Submitted by chi63hi on

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task achievement
While the essay discusses both views and provides a clear personal opinion, it would benefit from additional specific examples to support main points. For instance, specific instances of how exercise and diet contribute to happiness could be included.
coherence cohesion
While the essay presents the ideas in a structured manner, try to ensure all points are equally supported. Some parts of the essay could be expanded for a more comprehensive understanding, such as further exploring how much external factors really impact happiness.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, neatly presenting the main discussion and personal opinion.
logical structure
The logical flow is maintained throughout the essay, ensuring that the reader can follow the argument easily.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-reliance
  • positive mindset
  • accomplishment
  • fulfillment
  • socioeconomic status
  • financial instability
  • lack of opportunities
  • relationships
  • social connections
  • emotional support
  • stress reduction
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • lifestyle choices
  • living conditions
  • political stability
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