Many people think that every individual is resposible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #resposible #happiness #factors #influence

All emotions, but particularly

happiness

, are an extremely complex topic. It is in fact very difficult to find the key to

this

feeling. Many people think that we are responsible for our own

happiness

while

others believe that there are numerous external

factors

that influence us. In

this

essay, I will discuss both visions and give my personal opinion. To start with,

happiness

does come from ourselves and we are responsible for it. It is a personal responsibility, we have to make sure to

control

our feelings and thoughts.

Thus

, by keeping a positive mindset, we can influence our own feelings and so our

happiness

Moreover

, setting and reaching goals gives us a sense of gratitude which is

happiness

In addition

to that, we can

also

try to

control

our emotions and

happiness

by following a healthy diet, exercising and meditating.

On the other hand

, there are many external

factors

that can make us feel not so happy.

For example

, life situations

such

as financial instability or a poor job could make us feel anxious and

thus

, not delighted.

Moreover

, additional

factors

such

as family, friends and pets could help us and make us feel better.

Additionally

, much simpler things

such

as weather conditions, could have an impact on how we live a moment in our lives. In conclusion, I firmly believe that we are responsible for our own

happiness

most of the time but in some cases, we are influenced by external

factors

Thus

, we should focus on our habits and on what we can

control

, since outward

factors

are not in our

control

Submitted by chi63hi on Wed Jul 03 2024

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task achievement

While the essay discusses both views and provides a clear personal opinion, it would benefit from additional specific examples to support main points. For instance, specific instances of how exercise and diet contribute to happiness could be included.

coherence cohesion

While the essay presents the ideas in a structured manner, try to ensure all points are equally supported. Some parts of the essay could be expanded for a more comprehensive understanding, such as further exploring how much external factors really impact happiness.

introduction conclusion

The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, neatly presenting the main discussion and personal opinion.

logical structure

The logical flow is maintained throughout the essay, ensuring that the reader can follow the argument easily.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

self-reliance
positive mindset
accomplishment
fulfillment
socioeconomic status
financial instability
lack of opportunities
relationships
social connections
emotional support
stress reduction
mental health
physical health
lifestyle choices
living conditions
political stability

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Many people think that every individual is resposible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace human in workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have positive or negative impact on society?

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

Eco-tourism often involves visiting remote and fragile ecosystems, which raises concerns about the impact on local cultures and indigenous communities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be resolved?

In many countries, plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you returned home you found some important papers are missing. Write a letter to the Manager saying where you left the papers, how important the papers are, waht do you want him/her to do?