IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children all over the world should learn to speak a single, universal language fluently in addition to their native language. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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t is believed that
children
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 should learn international
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
along with
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 their mother tongue . I completely agree with
this
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 initiative because it will help
children
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 in the future to get
jobs
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 easily and it
also
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 helps to build relationships with foreign
people
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. The primary reason is that universal
language
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 plays a crucial role for many
people
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 to get high-demand
jobs
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 .If teachers in the school teach English fluently to
children
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then
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 it would be easy for young pupils to find better-skilled
jobs
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 in the future .
Moreover
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,
children
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 can learn a new
language
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 easily in the early stage of their life ,so, it would be beneficial to teach a new
language
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 in the beginning .
For instance
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, many high-demand
jobs
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 like engineering ,digital marketing and in health sector look for communication skills
as well as
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 practical skills . Another reason is that it helps
children
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 to communicate with immigrants and understand their culture.International
language
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 is the common
language
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 through which everyone can share their beliefs .If the young generation speaks a universal
language
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 fluently with immigrants
then
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 it would be easy for them to build friendly relationships and understand the wide range of cultures around the world .
For instance
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, many immigrant
children
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 in Canada feel safe and friendly
while
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 going to school because they speak English fluently with native
people
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 ,
thus
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 , helping young
people
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 to build close relationships with others. In conclusion , young pupils around the world should learn an international
language
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 with their native
language
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 because it will help them to build
a close bonds
Correct the article-noun agreement
close bonds
a close bond
show examples
 with foreigners and chance to get
high paid
Correct your spelling
high-paying
show examples
jobs
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 in the future .

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear answer to the question and does a good job of explaining why you agree with the statement. However, try to explore counterarguments and address them as well. This can make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but the transitions between ideas can be smoother. Try using more transitional phrases and conjunctions to connect your points.
task achievement
While your main points are relevant and supported by examples, ensure that each idea is fully developed. Some of your examples and explanations could use a bit more elaboration to provide depth.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely summarizes your main points, but it could restate the importance of learning a universal language slightly more emphatically to leave a lasting impact.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up your argument well.
task achievement
The essay's main points are relevant and effectively supported by examples, making your argument persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is present and effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the argument made in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • fluently
  • native language
  • effective communication
  • global understanding
  • unity
  • educational opportunities
  • career opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • social integration
  • language barriers
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