IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that studying history is a waste of time while others think that it is essential to learn. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is argued that
history
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subject
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 is crucial for
students
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 and should be mandatory,
while
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 others claim that it is waste of the time.
While
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history
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 may compel teenagers to purely memorize facts and dates, I believe that it broadens horizons and teaches
students
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 about the mistakes of their ancestors. On the one hand,
such
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subject
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 is wrongly studied in the majority of schools, as they tend to absorb only information about dates and facts, which may be just a waste of time. Current assessment system in schools focuses on the ability of adolescents to remember precise data, rather than on critical thinking and analysis.
However
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, I think that
such
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 a downside can be easily resolved with proper government reforms.
On the other hand
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,
history
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 is knowledge that enlightens
students
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 about many cultures in the world.
This
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 is very essential, as it makes them more aware and prevents them from future cultural misunderstandings.
Furthermore
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,
history
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 can be considered as a playbook with many decisions can may serve as recordings of mistakes, which adolescents can learn from.
Therefore
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,
such
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 a
subject
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 can enhance diplomacy and spur the development of relationships between countries.
For instance
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, Switzerland with compulsory education in
history
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 subjects showcases a high level of diplomacy compared to India, which does not include it in its curriculum. In conclusion,
while
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history
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subject
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 may have its detractors, who claim that it substantially drains time, I believe
that is
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 essential for all
students
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, who want to broaden their horizons and enhance important
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
,
such
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 as critical thinking.

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What works well

4
introduction conclusion present

Your introduction effectively outlines the main points you will discuss, setting a clear direction for the essay.

relevant specific examples

You provide specific examples, such as the comparison between Switzerland and India, to support your points, which is excellent for task achievement.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion and reinforces the arguments discussed.

complete response

You present balanced views on both sides of the argument, demonstrating a thorough exploration of the topic.

Improvement Suggestions

2
task achievement

Try to further develop your arguments with more examples or details on how history can enhance critical thinking skills. This could strengthen your response.

coherence cohesion

Your essay structure is clear, but some points could transition more smoothly. Focus on using linking words effectively between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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