Museums and art galleries should focus on works that show the history and culture of their own country rather than cultural of other parts of the works. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, the proliferation of
the
art places, Correct article usage
apply
such
as museums and art galleries made a lot
of people
aware of these areas. However
, a wide range of individuals are considereing
more in their history, Correct your spelling
considering
considered
while
others
are looking for foregin
cultures. I am in a balanced opinion and Correct your spelling
foreign
agree
both statements.
In Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
this
essay, I will illustrate both views.
On the one hand, our anccestors
left for us a massive Correct your spelling
ancestors
tresure
. We should be more proud of these things and try to preserve Correct your spelling
treasure
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
of
Change preposition
for
the
other generations. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, our culture are resembling
our Wrong verb form
resembles
identit
Correct your spelling
identity
,
and demonstrates our basis. It Remove the comma
apply
also
shows from
where our country Change preposition
apply
stsrted
and how our present Correct your spelling
started
took
Wrong verb form
has taken
this
shape now. For instance
, Egypt now are
building the biggest museum in the world. Change the verb form
is
This
museum will assist there
citizens to be aware more about Replace the word
their
there
past and Correct your spelling
their
shows
how the phoros were Correct subject-verb agreement
show
an
stunning Change the article
a
people
.
On the other hand
, We should be updated with others culture
. Fix the agreement mistake
other cultures
This
can help us to know about others
lives and exchange Change noun form
others'
other's
a
crucial data. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, a lot
of people
can learn a new language from others
civilisation. Correct quantifier usage
other
However
, we can see others
history without Change noun form
others'
other's
traveling
to any place. Change the spelling
travelling
This
can alleviate the price of the trip and no one can exploit us. Moving further
, this
method can help the government to rise
Correct your spelling
raise
thier
income and can Correct your spelling
their
Add a missing verb
be cosidere
cosidere
as Correct your spelling
consider
considered
a
revenue for our country. Remove the article
apply
ON
of the sparked Correct your spelling
One
instacne
is England. It contains a Correct your spelling
instances
lot
of museums which have others
monuments. Correct quantifier usage
other
this
method made a lot
of euorpen
Correct your spelling
European
people
went
there and watch Wrong verb form
go
this statues
.
Change the determiner
this statue
these statues
IN
conclusion, Correct your spelling
In
this
argument will be depended
Wrong verb form
depend
from
one to another and Change preposition
on from
aslo
many reasons. We can see, a diverse Correct your spelling
also
various
of countries are dearth from history so they try Replace the word
variety
put
Add the particle
to put
others
culture.Submitted by mohannadsme on
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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in stating your position. Consider starting directly with a clear thesis statement on your stance rather than stating you'll illustrate both views.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly supports your thesis. The body paragraphs, although related, sometimes introduce multiple ideas that could be better organized.
task achievement
Revisit grammar and spelling mistakes, such as 'anccestors', 'tresure', 'identit', 'stsrted'. Enhanced grammar and vocabulary will significantly improve readability and score.
coherence cohesion
The transition words are occasionally inappropriate or missing ('moving further, for instance'), which affects coherence. Work on smoothening these transitions.
task achievement
You show an attempt to balance both sides of a complex issue, which demonstrates critical thinking.
task achievement
Providing specific examples like Egypt and England shows your attempt to concretize abstract ideas, which is beneficial for Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This basic structure works well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.