IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

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Nowadays, there has been a dramatic change in children's activities around the globe which helps them to acquire logical , analytical, and reasoning
skills
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 and a lot more. There are now a plethora of activities
such
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 as video sports, puzzles, swimming dancing and much more which result in the healthy development of kids' minds. In my opinion, I advocate that extracurricular exercises will bring an avalanche of benefits for the holistic development of the younger ones.
This
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 essay will discuss key things in detail.
Firstly
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, games like puzzles will be considered a blessing in disguise for the kids. With puzzle games, their mind will perform a lot of calculations in order to solve the activity which results in ameliorating their reasoning
skills
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.
For instance
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, a study from Oxford University revealed that smaller ones learn more quickly when introduced to the interactive environment.
Secondly
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, sports like swimming will not only help them to stay fit and agile, it will inculcate life-saving
skills
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 which they cannot learn from any subject or study.
In addition
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 to
this
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, video games support the kids to analyse and act in a tedious situation created in a virtual environment which results in acquiring analytical and logical
skills
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. To illustrate, swimmers have a more logical mindset than economics students based on the research performed by the US university. In conclusion, I assert that children gain numerous benefits from creative sports and they can only attain
such
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skills
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 at a younger age because they don't have much stress from other subjects at
this
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 stage.
However
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, reading is a skill that they can even learn at a later age in their life.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear stance and introduces the essay's main points, but try to refine your thesis statement to be more concise and directly address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph centers around one main idea to increase clarity. Additionally, make sure topic sentences clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph.
task achievement
While your essay provides relevant examples, strive to ensure each example directly supports your main argument. Linking back examples to your central thesis more explicitly can further strengthen your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your use of linking devices (e.g., 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'In conclusion,') is appropriate, but try to vary these transitions and use more sophisticated ones to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong, clear conclusion which reinforces your main argument effectively.
task achievement
You provide a range of specific examples that help illustrate your points well.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is good, making it easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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