IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from.

The line graph below shows the number of annual visits to Australia by overseas residents. The table below gives information on the country of origin where the visitors came from.
#line #visits #australia #residents #information #country #origin #visitors
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph represents all the
Use synonyms
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
 by numbers, describing each
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 annual visitor spend in New Zealand. Starting with Australia, USA, UK,
Japan
Use synonyms
, and
finally
Linking Words
 ending with China over a
period
Use synonyms
 of nine years between1996 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that during
this
Linking Words
 nine-year
period
Use synonyms
, Australia remained the biggest number of annual visitors, with all four other countries spending much less on
expenditure
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the smallest
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was by China.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, Australia showed almost 1000
expenditure
Use synonyms
 in the first year,
however
Linking Words
, it changed dramatically until it reached 2500 in 2006. Afterwards, there was a slight drop and
at the
Linking Words
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 it illustrated 2100.
Whilst
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, China started with
least
Correct word choice
the lowest
show examples
 number exactly 0, but till 2004 it showed a positive trend unless it had dropped to approximately 250 in 2008 and in 2014 it presented around 400. As the USA
expenditure
Use synonyms
 rate
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
, USA
expenditure
Use synonyms
 showed a noticeable rise
1750
Change preposition
of 1750
show examples
 in the seventh-year
period
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased to 1400 in
four-year
Add an article
a four-year
the four-year
show examples
period
Use synonyms
. UK’s
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was a little
low
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 than
Use synonyms
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it only saw a little drop between 1996 and 2002 and between 2008 and 2010 and after
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 even reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over 1000 which is 500 more in comparison with
Japan
Use synonyms
. Now turning to
Japan
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 had a good start around 500in 1996 but there was more
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
downward tendency than an increase.
Hence
Linking Words
, it figured around 600 in 2014.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, japan, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: