IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer group pressure. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #peers #peer #group #pressure
There is a saying that one can judge a
person
 by who his or her friends are.
This
 phenomenon can be seen in all groups
due to
 the fact that individuals influence each other. At times group pressure might be beneficial but
overall
 I believe it harms everyone involved. On one hand, peer pressure might sometimes prompt a
person
 to get rid of hazardous habits. Being surrounded by moral caring
people
 can foster a lot of admirable qualities in a
person
.
For example
, altruistic
people
 who take part in charitable events will probably invite others to do the same and
thus
 make
people
 around them less selfish as well.
Consequently
, all mates can become the best versions of themselves.
On the other hand
, wanting to fit in with others can result in the loss of identity. Many individuals who wish to become a part of a friend group might be required to be interested in the same activities and have similar
outlook
Fix the agreement mistake
outlooks
show examples
. To illustrate, a friend might be forced to change their moral beliefs in order to avoid conflicts with peers.
This
 can frequently lead to
indecisions
Fix the agreement mistake
indecision
show examples
, low self-esteem and lack of individuality. Another point to consider is
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 influence
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 acquaintances. Many
people
 around might prompt one to make ill decisions. If a
person
 wishes to hang out with those who use psychotropic substances he or she will likely start to do so as well.
This
 more often than not results in juvenile behavior and health issues. Taking everything into consideration, it should be concluded that there are both upsides and downsides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 peer pressure. To my mind, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, making them more relatable and concrete.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you varied sentence structures to maintain reader's interest and demonstrate language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with phrasing; some sentences could be clearer with minor adjustments. An example: "For example, altruistic people who take part in charitable events will probably invite others to do the same and thus make people around them less selfish as well" could be smoother.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic effectively, assessing both advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, providing a solid framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Logical structuring of paragraphs helps in seamless understanding. Each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: