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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
#visits #two #music #sites #web
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The diagram below compares the amount of
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 who visited the site in the
first
Use synonyms
 years of
use
Use synonyms
 and the
second
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, during
this
Linking Words
two
Add a hyphen
two-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 period
Use synonyms
use
Change preposition
of use
show examples
, the highest indicator
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 a
second
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 of
use
Use synonyms
 with 22500
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
visits in July, with all
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 and eleven
monthes
Correct your spelling
months
 spending much less on them. In
Use synonyms
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 and
second
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 it can be seen that
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 oscillations
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in
winter
Correct article usage
the winter
show examples
 and summer months and
low
Add an article
the low
show examples
 index was in
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
 and
marth
Correct your spelling
march
.
However
Linking Words
, by
Use synonyms
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 of
use
Use synonyms
 only in August is lower
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
Use synonyms
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
year
Use synonyms
, between
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
year
Add the comma(s)
year,
show examples
 had widened and considerably more uses
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 than
first
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
. As can be seen from the graph, the amount of
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
show examples
 in all twelve
monthes
Correct your spelling
months
, but rose dramatically from May to July. The period between
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
 and August saw a sharp growth of using a site
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the
second
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words first, use, second, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comparison
  • Number of visits
  • Trends
  • Period
  • Increases
  • Decreases
  • Stability
  • Factors
  • Influenced
  • Marketing strategies
  • User interface
  • Variety of music
  • Peak times
  • Reasons
  • Promotional events
  • Long-term sustainability
  • Growth prospects
  • Graph
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