In many countries children are engaged in some kid of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong,while other consider it as valuabl work .what is your opinion?
There is no doubt that
in
some countries , particularly less economically developed ones , Change preposition
apply
involving
Wrong verb form
involve
children
in the work
fields. However
, it is debated that some people regard this
as a wrong or good value for the
Correct article usage
apply
children
. In my opinion , I strongly agree with this
notion that children
should engage with work
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
in
Change preposition
at
the
early age .
Correct article usage
an
To begin
with , no one can deny that education serves a great purpose in human life
whether in theory or in practice . Similarity
, paid Replace the word
Similarly
work
is
Change the verb form
also provides
also
provides important life
skills such
as responsibility , time-management
and financial skills. Correct your spelling
time management
For example
, a successful bussinessman
like Mark Zuckerberg who is now Correct your spelling
businessman
a
CEO of the famous social media called Facebook Correct article usage
the
also
started his works in his early twenties . Nevertheless
, children
that participate with
different Change preposition
in
work
scenarios can enchance
their self-esteem and communication skills.
Correct your spelling
enhance
On the other hand
, there is
always a number of Correct subject-verb agreement
are
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
concern
Wrong verb form
concerning
an
age-appropriate employment related to their physical and mental well-being. As we all know Remove the article
apply
this
is because of the indifferent strength between the adults and the young ones . Same
goes Correct article usage
The same
to
Change preposition
for
the
mental health where Correct article usage
apply
a
mature Correct article usage
apply
person are
Verb problem
people
tends
to adapt better in their real Wrong verb form
tend
life
. Health care , for instance
, this
job needs balance
Correct article usage
a balance
education
and practical experiences in order to Change preposition
of education
work
in this
profession because any error can cause mortality to the patients.
In conclusion , granted there are drawbacks of
involving Change preposition
to
children
in some kind of paid works
. Despite all the negativity ,I believe that youngsters Fix the agreement mistake
work
are encourage
to Change the verb form
are encouraged
work
for ensuring
Change preposition
to ensure
the
greater Correct article usage
apply
life
satisfraction
with Correct your spelling
satisfaction
a
good guidance from the adults to help them to improve and take care of themselves.Remove the article
apply
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task achievement
1. Clarify Arguments: Ensure that arguments supporting both sides of the debate are clearly stated.
2. Reduce Typographical Errors: Proofread the text to correct typographical mistakes (e.g., "bussinessman" should be "businessman").
coherence cohesion
1. Improve Paragraph Structure: Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for better readability.
2. Expand Examples: Include more elaborate and contextually relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
1. Clearly Stated Opinion: The essay clearly states the writer's opinion, making it easy to follow.
2. Balanced View: Although primarily focusing on one side, the essay considers counterarguments.
3. Good Use of Examples: Examples provided support the argument well.
coherence cohesion
1. Logical Flow: Ideas generally flow in a logical sequence, making the essay easy to follow.
2. Introduction and Conclusion: Both are present and serve their purposes well, clearly outlining the essay's main points and summarizing them effectively.