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Band 4.5

Being overweight has become a major health concern in many parts of the world. Explain the causes for being overweight and provide solutions.

#health #concern #parts #world
In the past decades,
people
 are more concerned about having a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 life and controlling weight for many reasons.
Although
, in some regions of the world the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of obesity and
health
 problems
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a
giganticty
Correct your spelling
gigantic
 increased. I think that one of the major
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 is that
people
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
time
 to eat properly and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast foods are an easy option to have a
quicky
Correct your spelling
quick
show examples
 meal. Another problem could be that some
people
 do not like to do exercises to improve their
health
 life. For these two problems, I have some suggestions. Having a quick meal is always a good option when you do not have
time
 to cook at that moment. Most of the population, especially the ones who have access to cheaper
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 chains probably are used to that option when they do not have
time
 to prepare a proper healthy meal. For
this
, a good solution is, in their free
time
,
people
 could cook healthy
food
 and put it
small
Change preposition
in small
show examples
 portions keeping them in the freezer. Doing
this
, the
people
 will always have
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
storaged
Correct your spelling
storage
stored
 in their houses. The other problem
to keep
Change preposition
with keeping
show examples
 a balance
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
 and
lost of
Verb problem
apply
show examples
weight is
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing some exercises to improve the body, not just to
looking
Change the form of the verb
look
show examples
 good, but
also
 to be healthy. Working out at the gym is always the
firts
Correct your spelling
first
 tough to
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 weight, but
people
 forget that doing some other activities could help, like biking, hiking and doing exercises outdoors could help to improve some of the vitamins that the body needs, especially vitamin D.
Submitted by aziz1dakhil on

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grammar
Ensure that you proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. For example, 'health life' should be 'healthy life,' and 'giganticty' should be 'gigantic.'
coherence
Make your topic sentences clearer and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, you might start the second paragraph with 'One significant cause of overweight is...'.
relevancy
To provide more specific examples, you might discuss statistics or studies related to fast food consumption and its impact on health. Specific examples help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have identified key causes of being overweight and proposed solutions, which shows a good understanding of the task.
logical structure
The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear separation of causes and solutions.
supported points
Your suggestions for solutions, such as preparing healthy meals in advance, are practical and easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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