IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Planners have been making cities where schools, offices and shops are seperated from each other. Do you think the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages for the residents?

In recent years, urban planners have increasingly designed cities with distinct zones for
schools
Use synonyms
, workplaces, and shopping centres.
While
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 there are some benefits associated with
this
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 approach, I believe the main drawbacks are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential advantage of separating urban facilities may be improved organisation and reduced congestion in residential areas. When
schools
Use synonyms
, offices, and shops are not close together, traffic and noise levels can be better controlled in specific areas, making neighbourhoods more peaceful. another perceived benefit is that it allows for specialized infrastructure and facilities in each area.
For instance
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, office districts can be designed with numerous parking and public transport,
while
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 shopping centres can be built for many visitors to have easy access.
On the other hand
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, a primary disadvantage of
such
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 separation is that it can lead to increased commuting time for residents. Many people must travel long distances daily between home, school, and work, which contributes to stress, pollution, and lost productivity. A
further
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 negative is the lack of convenience and reduced sense of community. When essential services and social spaces are far from each other, residents may struggle to access them quickly, and the opportunity for social interaction is greatly diminished.
Also
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,
this
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 city might need more road networks to transfer people every day to their destinations
such
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 as workplaces, commercial areas and
schools
Use synonyms
. It is worth noting that, access to healthcare services would be a challenge in emergency situations, and individuals might be threatened by acute health problems like a heart stroke. In conclusion,
although
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 separating
schools
Use synonyms
, offices and shops can offer some planning benefits, the disadvantages in terms of time, convenience, and community connection make
this
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 approach less favourable for residents
overall
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made, particularly in the advantages section. This can enhance the clarity of your ideas and their relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor spelling errors, such as 'seperated' which should be 'separated'. Attention to detail can improve the overall impression of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion, which helps in understanding your argument.
Task Achievement
You articulate your points clearly, and your arguments regarding the disadvantages are well thought out and relevant to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban planning
  • zoning
  • residential area
  • commercial district
  • quality of life
  • traffic congestion
  • public transportation
  • specialized spaces
  • social interaction
  • economic vitality
  • community activities
  • foot traffic
  • environmental impact
  • distance commuting
  • civic engagement
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