IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? Nhi

#people #right #access #university #education #governments #students #matter #background #nhi
Not only family
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
university
also
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 extremely important place to form human personality and qualities. In my opinion, I strongly agree that
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should create opportunities
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 tuition for all
students
 to approach higher education
without
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apply
show examples
regardless of their social class. 
Firstly
,
students
acessing
Correct your spelling
accessing
 to
university
 education have complete knowledge and the ability to find occupation more easily.
Therefore
, the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of unemployees
Verb problem
has
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is decrease
Change the verb form
is decreased
is decreasing
show examples
, the country has many talented
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 and has a positive view towards diplomatic countries.
This
 leads to
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
develoment
Correct your spelling
development
 of the country. To be specific, there are plenty of universities from powerful countries
such
 as
:
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apply
show examples
America , England and
Chiness
Correct your spelling
China
 that provide a various type
partial
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of partial
show examples
 and full scholarships for all
students
 who are from developing countries to experience high-class education and extend international relations.
Secondly
,
lost
Wrong verb form
losing
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 the right to study or
Correct article usage
an uncomplete
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uncomplete
Correct your spelling
incomplete
show examples
university
 will limit the development of human vision. There is a huge amount
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 does not have the ability to access or
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to drop out of
university
 midway just
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 their difficult circumstances.
For
this
 reason, individuals with less
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 will
be lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important positions in society. In one aspect of life, people giving up study have to deal with judgment and social class discrimination.
For example
, it is not uncommon for companies to require employees to have a
university
 qualification and have some
considerble
Correct your spelling
considerable
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
. Those
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 are not given priority to undertake important jobs, and even lose respect in the working environment. In conclusion, in my view, each person needs to receive their own equality in social life. To achieve
this
 purpose,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should provide financial support for all
students
 to develop the country's economy
in particular
 and citizens's lives in general.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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Grammar and Vocabulary
Try to avoid grammatical errors and incorrect word forms, such as 'a extremely' which should be 'an extremely' and 'economic develoment' which should be 'economic development.' These mistakes can affect readability.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Ensure that you use clear and precise language in your explanations. For instance, 'uncomplete university' should be 'not completing university.' Enhancing vocabulary usage would make your essay more compelling.
Task Achievement
In the first body paragraph, provide more specific examples to bolster your argument. Mentioning universities from certain countries without details is less powerful. For instance, you could specify a scholarship program like the 'Chevening Scholarship' from the UK as an example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay could benefit from better transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas, such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition to this.'
Task Achievement
Include more specific facts or anecdotes to support your views. This would enhance the task achievement score. For example, give an instance of a student who benefited from a government scholarship.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization is easy to follow and helps in presenting your ideas coherently.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position, providing a strong end to the essay.
Task Achievement
You address the task prompt directly and provide a clear and strong opinion, which is a good approach to task achievement.
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