IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education, and that governments should make it free for students, no matter what financial bike round they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #right #access #university #education #governments #students #matter #bike #round
In the contemporary era, when the opportunity to
study
 at higher education is
extend
Wrong verb form
extended
show examples
 for individuals
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they want the council can spare the
study
 fee notwithstanding their
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 situation. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
 point
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
 degree become so much essential with all
people
 over the world.
This
 degree is
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 and improve the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 citizens
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
especially
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
poor
people
.
For example
, major companies or organisations require their applicants
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
 the qualifications of high education because it can help
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 decide that the applicants are suitable for
demand
Add an article
the demand
show examples
 of
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
.
Moreover
, the qualifications support the companies to choose a good staff
Secondly
, many poor
people
 can't afford the
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for
university
. The cost for
study
 at higher education is generally expensive in major countries and not all citizens can pay for it.
For example
,
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 in England is
average
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
about 10,000 pounds per year and in America is around 10,000-15,000 dollars per year. It is the enormous amount of money that can make
people
 confused when see the price
to
Change preposition
of to
show examples
study
 In conclusion,
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 the government can spare the price
to
Change preposition
of studying
show examples
study
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
 because it can help dwellers
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 qualifications to
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for a job and improve their future
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines your viewpoint and sets the stage for the subsequent paragraphs.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the transitions between paragraphs for better flow and coherence.
task achievement
Expand your points with more detailed explanations or additional examples where possible.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the topic and provides a clear position on the matter.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant and support the main points effectively

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: