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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that it is easier to have healthy lifestyle in the countryside.Other beieve that there are health benefits to live in city.

#people #lifestyle #countryside #beieve #health #city
In
todays'
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today's
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soceities
Correct your spelling
societies
Correct article usage
an
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unhealthy
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
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 is being
increasingly
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an increasingly
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 common problem for
people
 all around the world .
Although
 many think
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
show examples
 lifestyle is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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way healthier in comparison with in
city
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the city
show examples
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
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others are of the opinion that
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 way to remain physically healthy is living in
Add an article
an
the
show examples
urban area. Both views will be discussed and it will be explored why
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 assume that living in
physical
Change the word
physically
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 good conditions is
well
Rephrase
better
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 organised in
countrisides
Correct your spelling
countries
 than
urban
Change preposition
in urban
show examples
areas
. There is a group of
people
 who suppose
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
show examples
 lifestyle has numerous beneficial superiorities in order to keep fit .
Initially
Add a comma
,
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regular exercises that are done in rustic lands are highly profitable for our health
such
 as farming and feeding animals like cows, sheep And horses.
For instance
 in
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
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 of
areas
 individuals use
the
Correct article usage
apply
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horses or bikes as transportation
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 requires
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to be quite fit .
Furthermore
 in
countrisides
Correct your spelling
countries
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a lack of transport vehicles
people
 breathe
from
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apply
show examples
fresh air,
there
Correct word choice
and there
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are
Change the verb form
is
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limeted
Correct your spelling
limited
transportation that produces CO2 emissions.
On the other hand
, some think
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 lifestyle is much healthier than it is considered.
Firstly
 it is suggested that there are many infrastructural buildings and
neccesities
Correct your spelling
necessities
 that are used for enhancing health.
For instance
 in
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
people
 can be provided
acces
Correct your spelling
access
Change preposition
to
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all
facilities
Correct article usage
the facilities
show examples
whatever we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want, like hospitals gyms and medical centers.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 they find sport as a personal growth,
therefore
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 in urban
areas
 do
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 type of sport on a daily basis In conclusion, as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mentioned above
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
keeping fit in rural
areas
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way easier compared to
city
 life .
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and presents both views, which is a good start. However, you need to clearly state your position more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on your paragraph structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences. For example, in the second paragraph, focus solely on the benefits of rural living without blending it with city living benefits.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant and specific examples are given, but some points need to be more developed and clearer. For instance, explain more about how limited transportation in rural areas positively impacts health.
language
Pay attention to grammatical errors and spelling mistakes such as 'todays' societies,' 'soceities,' 'neccesities,' and 'limeted.' This will improve the readability and professionalism of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more effectively to enhance the logical flow of your essay. For example, use 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'For instance' appropriately.
task achievement
You did a good job of presenting both perspectives on the topic
task achievement
Your essay includes some specific examples, which adds depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear effort to provide a conclusion that summarizes your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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