IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that talent is more important thank hard work. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#people #talent #work
Some people believe that
talent
 is important,
while
 others think hard
work
 is substantial. Personally, regarding the argument that
talent
 is more crucial than hard
work
 to achieve success, I believe that
this
 view is incorrect to some extent. On the one hand, hard
work
 nurtures our
skills
. We practice our
skills
 to perfection until we reach our goals. To illustrate
this
 point, we can practice our voice to hit the right pitch so we can sing a song accurately. At
first,
we might not have any
talent
, but through consistent effort, we improve.
On the other hand
, people with photographic memory can absorb information with just a glance. We cannot deny that people with
such
skills
 are well-suited to becoming doctors, a profession that requires extensive study. Unfortunately, without practice, those who have the
talent
 might only memorize words, pictures, and numbers without
further
 understanding. In conclusion,
talent
 might give us an early advantage in achieving our purpose,
while
 hard
work
 fosters our
skills
 and helps us reach our goals.
Submitted by dwima.rizky on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further improve task response, you could add more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning famous individuals who succeeded due to hard work could be effective.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your points more smoothly. This will make your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, addressing the prompt effectively.
coherence cohesion
The points made are logical and generally well-supported, showing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Good use of examples to explain both sides of the argument, making the essay balanced.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: