IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits to living in cities.

#people #lifestyle #countryside #health #cities
Health
 problems are a serious and growing issue in most societies.
Although
 some people believe that the best way to maintain good
health
 is to live in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
show examples
, others are of the opinion that inhabiting urban areas is healthier.
This
 essay will discuss both views and, in my opinion, living in the countryside has positive effects on
health
. There are several benefits to living out-of-town for
health
.
Firstly
, living in suburban areas provides an opportunity to enhance both physical and mental energy.
For instance
, someone who moves to the suburbs or already lives there will be able to spend more time in fresh air, which improves lung function and reduces the risk of diseases
such
 as asthma and allergies.
In addition
, individuals have access to fresh food,
such
 as meat, fruit, and vegetables, without pesticides or chemical additives (as they can grow it by themselves)
However
, some residents argue that living in cities offers better living standards and more modern and effective
health
 treatments. Urban areas provide access to gyms and advanced medical facilities,
as well as
 shops offering high-quality products, allowing people to focus more on their
health
.
This
 gives city dwellers the opportunity to receive quick and effective
health
 care from qualified doctors, especially in emergencies like heart attacks.
To conclude
,
while
 there are strong arguments for living in cities for those seeking excellent
health
 treatment, I believe that the countryside is the best choice for a healthy lifestyle
due to
 the benefits of fresh air and access to natural, unprocessed food Score: 6.5-7
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain consistent paragraphing and clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This could improve the essay’s coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in the discussion about the benefits of living in cities.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant explanations and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: