It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lifes. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
In our world there is no chance to develop yourself or discover something without taking a
risk
and as they say "no risk
no story". in this
essay, I will provide why it's important to take a risk
in your life
and how it can help people
to improve their lives.
Firstly
, people
need to take a risk
to improve their career path or change their career to be a better path, some people
plan
to go to university to study for another undergraduate degree, Although
, they already have a degree, Furthermore
, some take a risk
to move to another country to find a decent job instead
of their home country, in addition
, some scientists experience a dangerous situation to discover something that can help the world to improve, However
, to take a risk
you need a plan
and a good knowledge with the thing that you will do.
On the other hand
, sometimes taking a risk
will eventually put you in danger even if you plan
very well, Furthermore
, lots of people
take risks in different fields of their lives and end up losing money, jobs, or life
. In addition
, some people
can not handle the pressure of their risk
and give up quickly losing everything, In this
case, people
should determine themselves very well and see if they can handle the consequences of their own risk
, especially in their jobs, Thus
, people
should not be in a rush of taking a risk
in their life
.
To conclude
, taking a risk
can really help people
to improve but only with a good plan
and patience because sometimes the result will take a long time to come and it can open new opportunities in different fields of their life
, finally
, this
essay shows how taking a risk
has more merits compared to the disadvantages.Submitted by aziz1dakhil on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, but ensure that you maintain formal academic language throughout. For example, replace 'no risk no story' with something more formal and universally understood.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically organized, try using more varied linking devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples can bolster your arguments. For instance, mention notable people or real-life scenarios where risk-taking has led to significant success or failure.
coherence cohesion
Refine sentences for clarity. Some parts of your essay are a bit lengthy and could benefit from more concise wording.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
task achievement
You’ve addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical flow of ideas, from the importance of taking risks to the potential downsides.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.