IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #places #squares #parks
Every town or
city
 has their own attraction sites and special features, these features and
places
 determines the unique vibes of each
city
 or town. In my point of view, I firmly agree with
this
 statement for the reason that these spaces can offer entertainment and communication. I will
further
 discuss these matters in
this
 essay. First of all, it is important for all cities to have public spaces for entertainment purposes.
For example
, families and friends can spend their time together outside in some fresh air and enjoy the
city
 itself.
Also
, these public
places
 allow tourists to enjoy their vacation without spending a fortune on entering. Parks especially, have plenty of activities to do
such
 as riding bikes, having a picnic, and walking the dogs.
Secondly
, having public facilities is crucial for communicating aspects and relationships.
For instance
, outdoor
places
 allow people to spend time and interact with each,
instead
Correct word choice
other instead
show examples
 of communicating through social media.
In addition
, these squares and parks can be a place for tourists to interact with local citizens and build a type of relationship,
this
 not only
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
 the tourists but
also
 the locals. In conclusion, it is critical for towns and cities to have huge outside public areas for amusement and connection purposes. it can be very beneficial for families, friends, and any citizen living in the
city
.
That is
 why I strongly agree with
this
 declaration, these
places
 can be the sole
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cities and towns for locals and non-local citizens.
Submitted by jowanaalamoudi on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, you might want to include more specific examples and evidence that support your points. For instance, specific examples of parks and squares in well-known cities that fulfill these roles could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You could improve coherence further by ensuring smoother and more varied transitions between ideas. This will help the essay to flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Minimize minor grammatical errors to improve clarity. For instance, 'These features and places determines' should be 'These features and places determine.' Attention to such details can enhance the quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your argument well. This makes it easy to understand your stance and main points.
task achievement
You offer clear and comprehensive ideas that directly address the task response, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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