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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

International travel is becoming cheaper, and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

#travel #countries #doors #tourists #tourism
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These days, traveling
oversea
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overseas
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 is becoming more affordable. Meanwhile, many countries are conducting new approaches to
prompt
Verb problem
attract
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 more visitors. Even though there are still disadvantages to
this
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 trend, I think its values are more remarkable. On the one hand, the drawbacks of opening for foreigners are varied.
To begin
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 with, it is that the local environment can be affected
due to
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 the fast development of facilities and infrastructures.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, many travel companies are permitted to cut down a great area of forests to build modern commodities
such
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 as hotels and golf courses, causing extremely bad problems for natural habitats.
In addition
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, the increase in costs of living may press on local people
as well as
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 domestic travel.
This
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 is because the growth in the number of visitors would push the costs of vacancies and other
traveling
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travelling
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 services.
However
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, there are some benefits of international travel that can overshadow those analysed disadvantages.
Firstly
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, the regional economy can gain some benefits from the growth of the tourism industry because more positions will be created to accommodate the needs of tourists.
As a result
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, the locals can have more job opportunities in the
traveling
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travelling
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 field and earn more money to improve their living standards.
Secondly
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, the increased number of foreign people visiting another country would enhance tourism industries, contributing significantly to the wealth of that country. If those enjoy their trips, that destination can be recommended worldwide in the future. In conclusion, from all the reasons mentioned above, it seems that the merits of international tourism are more significant than its drawbacks.
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, and you've provided a balanced view discussing both advantages and disadvantages. However, to enhance task achievement, try to use more relevant and specific examples throughout your essay. For instance, in addition to mentioning Vietnam, you could include more diverse cases or statistics to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, you could improve its coherence and cohesion by making your transitions smoother. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. For instance, you may use more linking words or phrases to connect ideas, such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Besides.' This will help in illustrating the relationships between your points more clearly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and states your viewpoint, which is crucial for setting the stage for your essay. This strong beginning makes your essay easy to follow and engaging.
introduction conclusion present
You have included a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which provides a clear and decisive end to your writing.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
supported main points
The major points are generally supported well, although more specific details and examples could strengthen them further.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • GDP (Gross Domestic Product)
  • local businesses
  • job creation
  • cultural understanding
  • stereotypes
  • global connections
  • infrastructure
  • public transportation
  • environmental degradation
  • pollution
  • deforestation
  • wildlife habitats
  • commercialization
  • cultural identity
  • overcrowding
  • quality of life
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