IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Planting trees is very important for the environment. Some people say trees should be planted in the vacant area of cities and towns .while other believe housing facilities should be built instead. Do agree or disagree?

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The pursuit of a cleaner
environment
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 is conspicuously prevailing worldwide since a cleaner
environment
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 could bolster human well-being, and
trees
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 are an essential element for a better
environment
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.
However
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, because
this
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 has become a prominent issue, polarized radical opinions have been established saying
trees
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 should be planted in obscure areas
while
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 others championed the process of urbanization. Personally, There's no denying that the former premise is sound.
However
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, the jury is still out on the latter. On the one hand, it is understandable why the advocates of planting
trees
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 proposed that it is effective to plant
trees
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 in vacant areas,
such
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 as cities and towns.
Initially
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, with the current urbanizing pace, the amount of detrimental gases is mounting rapidly and
trees
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 should be planted at a tantamount capabilities of cleaning the
environment
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 as a reciprocation. It is factual that
trees
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 could supersede the availability of those gases into Oxygen - an essential gas that nurtures humans and virtually all sentient beings. Suppose a country with a monumental urbanizing process but lacks natural elements. In that case, myriad prevailing climate issues - global warming, greenhouse gas effects, or air pollution - could occur and deter their growth in every aspect.
On the other hand
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, proponents of urbanization have pronounced the imperativeness of the fact that
while
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 addressing only the effects of climate change, myriads of changes are uniformly essential for the status of a population.
For instance
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, if a political system excessively emphasizes the problems of air pollution, myriads of problems would compound and become virtually irreversible, creating stark problems in welfare. Especially nowadays, many issues
such
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 as inflation, low wages, unequal pay, domestic violence, etc are still prevailing. The only way to preserve our peacefulness is through adequate and effective allocation of care and attention to a wider sector. In conclusion, upon weighing both views, I believe that the need for more
trees
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 and
then
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a
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apply
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more comprehensive care and attention toward every aspect are equally logically and justifiable

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. The examples provided are somewhat generalized, and concrete examples from specific cities or scientific studies could add weight to your points.
coherence cohesion
While your arguments are logical and coherent, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Try using transitional phrases between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is well-crafted and sets up the debate effectively. It captures the reader's attention and clearly states the opposing views.
logical structure
You have a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each point of view, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your vocabulary is varied and appropriate for the academic context. This enhances the overall readability and persuasiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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