IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Introduction
A large number of criminals opt to break the law after the conclusion of their initial sentence.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses that the primary reason for
this
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 is the lack of employment and practical solutions to
this
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 issue could be to educate them in prisons and teach them certain
skills
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons for convicts to repeat their offence could be the lack of job opportunities. A number of individuals released from prisons are not employed
due to
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 the lack the knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, they have no source of income to survive in the society.
Hence
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, they are forced to acquire funds by committing crimes again.
Body paragraph 2
To tackle these undesirable effects, prompt measures have to be taken.
Firstly
Linking Words
, criminals could be educated in prison.
This
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 is because most offenders never had a chance to complete their formal education, which could be a contributing factor to their offences.
Moreover
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, learning basic subjects
such
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 as science and mathematics can improve their understanding and aid them in thinking rationally before committing another crime, thereby reducing crime rates. Another solution could be to introduce them to occupational
skills
Use synonyms
. Exposing prisoners to jobs
such
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 as hair-dressing and cooking helps them gain valuable experience for their lives outside the prison.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these
skills
Use synonyms
 contribute to better employment rates among ex-prisoners as employers prefer to hire individuals with previous experience rather than individuals who do not possess
such
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skills
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, many prisoners commit crimes after being released as they are not employed. To prevent
this
Linking Words
, criminals could be educated about basic subjects and occupational
skills
Use synonyms
 during their prison sentence.

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relevant specific examples
Expand on the specific examples within each of your main points to add depth and clarity to the essay. This helps in making your arguments more compelling and grounded in reality.
logical structure
Try to maintain a logical progression between ideas. For instance, delve a bit deeper into how exactly education and vocational training in prison would deter individuals from committing crimes again. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
language use
Your essay would benefit from a more varied use of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and provide a solid framework for the essay. They effectively summarize the key points.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are clear and comprehensive ideas presented, particularly in the discussion of education and vocational training for prisoners. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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