Once children start primary school, teachers have more influence than parents do on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In
this
day and age, some claim that it is Linking Words
teachers
Use synonyms
instead
of Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
that
play the dominant role in the spiritual and social Correct pronoun usage
who
development
of children. As for my perspective, Use synonyms
this
is correct.
It is indisputable that when considering intellectual Linking Words
development
, Use synonyms
teachers
are far superior as Use synonyms
teachers
are actually well-trained. They spend loads of time on students, and it is their obligation to teach during class Use synonyms
as well as
correct their homework. Linking Words
As a result
, loads of working experiences and corresponding skills can be handled by them. They could find out the most suitable way to teach students with separate characteristics, which promotes them to develop their minds dramatically. Linking Words
By contrast
, most Linking Words
parents
prefer to concentrate their attention on working. Use synonyms
Hence
they are not as conscious as Linking Words
teachers
of their children’s mental Use synonyms
development
.
When it comes to social Use synonyms
development
, schooling surely beats parenting, though Use synonyms
parents
do bring their children to public places frequently. As schools are societies in miniature, students can cultivate several basic social skills and put them into practice under the guidance of Use synonyms
teachers
. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
teachers
can teach how to do group collaboration and include it in their classes. Youngsters Use synonyms
thus
can better grasp how to communicate with others who have different opinions and team spirit. Linking Words
Teachers
can instil in teenagers high moral values Use synonyms
then
. Linking Words
On the other hand
, when staying at home, teenagers cannot realize the significance and necessity of Linking Words
such
spirits, because of the dearth of practical chances.
In a nutshell, Linking Words
teachers
are more sophisticated and well-prepared to augment their students’ mental Use synonyms
development
than Use synonyms
parents
. I suggest that Use synonyms
parents
should focus more on their kids, contributing to their versatile Use synonyms
development
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
The essay can benefit from more specific examples to support the main points. Including concrete instances or evidence will make the argument stronger.
task achievement
Some of the language used is slightly informal for an IELTS essay. Aim for a more academic tone by avoiding phrases such as 'loads of' and instead using terms like 'a significant amount'.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more transitional phrases for smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
It would be helpful to briefly mention why some might argue against the opinion presented, and then refute that counter-argument. This will showcase a balanced analysis.
introduction
The introduction is clear, and it presents the opinion concisely.
logical structure
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the points made in the essay and gives a final opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example