Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others believe that people should be free to do any sports or activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, more and more individuals suggest banning physically-dangerous sports
due to
the increasing number of incidents. Linking Words
Although
there are Linking Words
Correct article usage
a numbers
numbers
of incidents Fix the agreement mistake
number
due to
Linking Words
such
activities, there are Linking Words
other
who think that everyone has the right to choose Fix the agreement mistake
others
doing
any Change the verb form
to do
sports
they want. Personally, I agree with the latter viewpoint, because every physical activity has Fix the agreement mistake
sport
their
own consequences.
On the one hand, Correct pronoun usage
its
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society is
concern
about the well-being of Wrong verb form
concerned
people
who perform dangerous workouts, Use synonyms
such
as kickboxing and racing. If a single fault occurred during their performance, major health problems or fatalities Linking Words
towards
the athletes would be Change preposition
apply
the
cost of it. An outstanding example of Change preposition
at the
this
is an accident Linking Words
happened
during the automotive races which Correct pronoun usage
that happened
cause
injuries to some of their athletes.
Wrong verb form
caused
On the other hand
, everybody has their own free will to decide what is Linking Words
the
best for their well-being. Indeed, each kind of physical workout always comes with a prize, regardless of the consideration of whether it is dangerous or not. To illustrate, there are still possibilities for Correct article usage
apply
people
to get their knee or ankle injured not only by doing their workout in the wildUse synonyms
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
even when the exercise is done at home. Linking Words
That is
why the term “dangerous” can be considered to be subjective only to several Linking Words
people
.
In conclusion, I am convinced that Use synonyms
people
should be free to feel Use synonyms
the
happiness in any Correct article usage
apply
kinds
of Fix the agreement mistake
kind
activities
they Fix the agreement mistake
activity
preferred
to be the best. Enjoying their moment Wrong verb form
prefer
while
doing exercises Linking Words
tend
to create a regular habit in terms of physical Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
workout
, Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
thus
making one's lifestyle Linking Words
become
healthier in the long run.Verb problem
apply
Submitted by michellyonggo on
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task achievement
Expand on your examples. While you mentioned incidents in kickboxing and racing, more detailed or varied examples can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences need refinement for clarity. For example, the transition between the paragraphs discussing societal concerns and the right to choose activities could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your main argument.
task achievement
The topic is addressed well, and you present both viewpoints before stating your opinion, which shows good task completion.