IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others believe that people should be free to do any sports or activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, more and more individuals suggest banning physically-dangerous sports
due to
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 the increasing number of incidents.
Although
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 there are
Correct article usage
a numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of incidents
due to
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such
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 activities, there are
other
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others
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 who think that everyone has the right to choose
doing
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to do
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 any
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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 they want. Personally, I agree with the latter viewpoint, because every physical activity has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own consequences. On the one hand,
societies
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society is
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concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
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 about the well-being of
people
Use synonyms
 who perform dangerous workouts,
such
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 as kickboxing and racing. If a single fault occurred during their performance, major health problems or fatalities
towards
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apply
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the athletes would be
the
Change preposition
at the
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 cost of it. An outstanding example of
this
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 is an accident
happened
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
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 during the automotive races which
cause
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caused
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 injuries to some of their athletes.
On the other hand
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, everybody has their own free will to decide what is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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best for their well-being. Indeed, each kind of physical workout always comes with a prize, regardless of the consideration of whether it is dangerous or not. To illustrate, there are still possibilities for
people
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 to get their knee or ankle injured not only by doing their workout in the wild
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 even when the exercise is done at home.
That is
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 why the term “dangerous” can be considered to be subjective only to several
people
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. In conclusion, I am convinced that
people
Use synonyms
 should be free to feel
the
Correct article usage
apply
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happiness in any
kinds
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kind
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 of
activities
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activity
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 they
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to be the best. Enjoying their moment
while
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 doing exercises
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to create a regular habit in terms of physical
workout
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workouts
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,
thus
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 making one's lifestyle
become
Verb problem
apply
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healthier in the long run.

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task achievement
Expand on your examples. While you mentioned incidents in kickboxing and racing, more detailed or varied examples can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences need refinement for clarity. For example, the transition between the paragraphs discussing societal concerns and the right to choose activities could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your main argument.
task achievement
The topic is addressed well, and you present both viewpoints before stating your opinion, which shows good task completion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public safety
  • strain on public health resources
  • individual freedom
  • autonomy
  • personal growth
  • resilience
  • sense of accomplishment
  • proper regulations
  • safety measures
  • economic benefits
  • revenue from tourism
  • hosting events
  • injuries
  • fatalities
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