IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that older employees contribute most to the success of a company. Others think that younger people play a more vital role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some argue that the support that senior
employees
Use synonyms
 provide to a
company
Use synonyms
 leads to much more success than the one given by
people
Use synonyms
 at a younger age. Others think completely the opposite.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that
although
Linking Words
 older
employees
Use synonyms
 offer an invaluable contribution,
people
Use synonyms
 with younger and fresher minds might provide new ideas to revolutionise and contribute to any business. On one hand, old staff members who have gathered plenty of
experience
Use synonyms
 during long periods of time working in a certain industry or
company
Use synonyms
 are able to supply all the
problem
Use synonyms
-solving skills that are needed in a
company
Use synonyms
. All of them have gone through different experiences including serious issues and risk-taking procedures which have given them the awareness of handling different tasks and situations.
For example
Linking Words
, an educational leader (who is usually an old employee) who supervises the correct flow of educational activities offered to the children, might encounter the same
problem
Use synonyms
 many times and apply an accurate and quick solution.
However
Linking Words
, the types of problems found in a
company
Use synonyms
 change with the years which might represent a bigger
problem
Use synonyms
 for old
employees
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 young
employees
Use synonyms
 do not possess all the
experience
Use synonyms
 that senior
employees
Use synonyms
 might have, they can definitely provide fresh and innovative ideas. With each new generation, not only new perspectives are brought but
also
Linking Words
 more
people
Use synonyms
 who are open to dealing with challenges, changes and new starts.
This
Linking Words
 means that whenever a
company
Use synonyms
 faces a new
problem
Use synonyms
 or starts a new project, young
people
Use synonyms
 will be the first ones to cooperate, presenting new perspectives or ways of solving a
problem
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a room leader who is in charge of any room in a childcare centre might not have plenty of
experience
Use synonyms
, yet
this
Linking Words
 person might apply many more strategies
due to
Linking Words
 his creativity and recent study. In conclusion, no one denies that older
employees
Use synonyms
 possess vast
experience
Use synonyms
 which represents a unique advantage when working in a certain
company
Use synonyms
 or industry for a long time.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, from my point of view, the innovative insights and variety of ideas that young
people
Use synonyms
 provide could offer many more solutions and
therefore
Linking Words
 benefits to any business.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay is well-organized and addresses both views adequately, try to present counter-arguments more explicitly to strengthen your discussion. This can show a balance in your argumentation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay's coherence would benefit from the use of more linking words and phrases to make the connections between your ideas clearer. Words such as 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'in contrast' can help.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay effectively includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which are critical components of a well-structured essay.
task achievement
Main points and arguments are generally well-supported with relevant examples, enhancing the credibility of your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vital role
  • deep understanding
  • valuable assets
  • mentoring
  • wisdom
  • tech-savvy
  • innovative ideas
  • eager to learn
  • fast-paced environments
  • dynamic
  • forward-thinking
  • diverse age range
  • leverage
  • unique strengths
  • harmonious
  • effective team
  • continuous learning
  • innovation
  • stability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: