IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words

#people #situation #job #shortage #money
Whilst many think that individuals have to deal with uncomfortable situations by simply accepting that condition, I believe that it is more
favorable
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favourable
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 for people to take action when they are in bad circumstances. On the one hand, some people advise their relatives who are experiencing unwanted situations to keep calm and let go of their emotional instability during hard times.
Although
 there is no guarantee that situations will get better as time passes, others think that time will heal, so it is best to stay in their current position.
This
 is because there are possibilities to face harder challenges after leaving their current surroundings.
For example
, employees with low salaries tend to stay at their current workplace
due to
 being afraid of not getting higher-salary jobs.
However
, it is going to be much more preferable to start taking action rather than hoping things to improve without doing anything. Creating action plans before leaving their difficult situation will not only be beneficial for
preparation
Correct article usage
the preparation
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 step
,
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apply
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 but will
also
 increase their mood,
as well as
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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spiritual motivation. To illustrate, writing down the list of companies that the employee aims to apply for their next job, will stimulate them to pursue their dreams of landing a job in the new place which might provide greater salaries than they have now. In conclusion, I agree that as a human being, it is important to fix things during the worst situation rather than waiting or doing nothing, because when people begin to focus on what they can do, ideas will come up and motivations will improve their emotional stability.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, name a specific company or industry where employees frequently make career changes for better opportunities.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your transition between paragraphs is smoother by using cohesive devices like 'consequently' or 'hence' to signal cause and effect relationships more clearly.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both views and gives a clear personal opinion, which shows a strong sense of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is well-organized with clear paragraphs discussing each viewpoint and a conclusion that reinforces the main opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay opens with a clear introduction and ends with a concise conclusion, both of which are essential elements for coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contentment
  • Resilience
  • Personal growth
  • Endurance
  • Initiative
  • Advancement
  • Catalyst
  • Financial stability
  • Status quo
  • Innovation
  • Missed opportunities
  • Life satisfaction
  • Adverse situations
  • Taking control
  • Risk assessment
  • Change management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivation
  • Stagnation
  • Proactivity
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