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Band 5.5

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#students #university #study #country #opportunity #development
In the contemporary world, the trend of moving abroad for higher
education
 is becoming increasingly prevalent.
While
 some believe that studying abroad is a gateway to many opportunities, others advocate for the subsequent economic loss that stems from
depleted
Correct article usage
a depleted
show examples
 workforce in their homeland.
This
 essay delves deeper into the reasons why proponents underline the benefits of studying abroad and why others are against
this
 trend. On the one hand, several
students
, driven by the notion of success, travel to affluent
countries
 in pursuit of higher
education
. To elaborate on
this
 point, since numerous top-ranked educational institutes are ubiquitous in industrially developed and economically stable
nations
, not only do
students
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 here are advantaged by their
education
 system, but are
also
 benefited
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their affiliations with famous firms and enterprises.
Consequently
, not only do these companies provide the candidates with the
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 of internships, but
also
 hire them for the jobs later on.
For instance
, many developed
nations
 serve as platforms, laden with opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning and employment, which entice people to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in their institutes.
Hence
, in order to broaden the horizons of learning and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 future career prospects, a huge number of
students
 tend to study abroad.
On the other hand
,
countries
 suffer financial losses when a large number of educated people
leaves
Correct subject-verb agreement
leave
show examples
 them.
In other words
, since
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the candidates who leave their
countries
 belong
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 poor
nations
, these economically deprived
nations
 witness
further
 loss owing to the downsizing of their workforce.
For example
, since
rarely do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Third World
nations
 offer chances
of honing
Change preposition
to hone
show examples
 skills,
students
 tend to move to other platforms that facilitate higher
education
 and improve future projections;
as a result
, healthcare facilities are reduced and businesses undergo massive losses.
Thus
,
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 in the pool of educated individuals negatively impacts all the aspects of
countries
. In conclusion,
although
 there are tremendous outcomes when
students
 study in world-class institutes, in terms of their future projections,
notwithstanding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, their motherlands suffer financially
due to
 the resultant loss of workers and brain drain.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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coherence cohesion
In some places, your essay is verbose. Try to simplify your sentences for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear singular focus, which will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
While you provided relevant examples, consider making them more precise and varied to cover multiple aspects of the topic.
task achievement
Work on occasionally rounding out ideas a bit more clearly to ensure maximum clarity and impact in your responses.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which provides a strong framework for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, and your ideas flow meaningfully from one to the next.
task achievement
You addressed both advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad comprehensively, which demonstrates a well-balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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