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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#students #university #study #country #opportunity #development
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In the contemporary world, the trend of moving abroad for higher
education
Use synonyms
 is becoming increasingly prevalent.
While
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 some believe that studying abroad is a gateway to many opportunities, others advocate for the subsequent economic loss that stems from
depleted
Correct article usage
a depleted
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 workforce in their homeland.
This
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 essay delves deeper into the reasons why proponents underline the benefits of studying abroad and why others are against
this
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 trend. On the one hand, several
students
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, driven by the notion of success, travel to affluent
countries
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 in pursuit of higher
education
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. To elaborate on
this
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 point, since numerous top-ranked educational institutes are ubiquitous in industrially developed and economically stable
nations
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, not only do
students
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enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
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 here are advantaged by their
education
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 system, but are
also
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 benefited
by
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from
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 their affiliations with famous firms and enterprises.
Consequently
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, not only do these companies provide the candidates with the
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
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 of internships, but
also
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 hire them for the jobs later on.
For instance
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, many developed
nations
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 serve as platforms, laden with opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning and employment, which entice people to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in their institutes.
Hence
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, in order to broaden the horizons of learning and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 future career prospects, a huge number of
students
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 tend to study abroad.
On the other hand
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,
countries
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 suffer financial losses when a large number of educated people
leaves
Correct subject-verb agreement
leave
show examples
 them.
In other words
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, since
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of the candidates who leave their
countries
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 belong
from
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to
show examples
 poor
nations
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, these economically deprived
nations
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 witness
further
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 loss owing to the downsizing of their workforce.
For example
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, since
rarely do
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Third World
nations
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 offer chances
of honing
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to hone
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 skills,
students
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 tend to move to other platforms that facilitate higher
education
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 and improve future projections;
as a result
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, healthcare facilities are reduced and businesses undergo massive losses.
Thus
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,
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 in the pool of educated individuals negatively impacts all the aspects of
countries
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. In conclusion,
although
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 there are tremendous outcomes when
students
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 study in world-class institutes, in terms of their future projections,
notwithstanding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, their motherlands suffer financially
due to
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 the resultant loss of workers and brain drain.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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coherence cohesion
In some places, your essay is verbose. Try to simplify your sentences for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear singular focus, which will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
While you provided relevant examples, consider making them more precise and varied to cover multiple aspects of the topic.
task achievement
Work on occasionally rounding out ideas a bit more clearly to ensure maximum clarity and impact in your responses.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which provides a strong framework for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, and your ideas flow meaningfully from one to the next.
task achievement
You addressed both advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad comprehensively, which demonstrates a well-balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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