IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Children
’s using
smartphones
 habit is now one of the most controversial issues that people like to debate. I believe that
drawbacks
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the drawbacks
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 of using electronic
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
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 outweigh its benefits. When it comes to, the reason for
enormous
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the enormous
show examples
 using
smartphones
 in
younger
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the younger
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 generation is the rapid development of technology.
Therefore
, a lot of
children
 are often exposed to numerous online media platforms, resulting in
increasing
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an increasing
show examples
the
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apply
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number of
children
 who use
smartphones
 entire of the day.
Moreover
, a vast majority of parents bought
smartphones
to
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for
show examples
children
, as they believe that it may encourage their
acadmeic
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academic
 and prevent
children
 from being exposed to threats and emergency situations.
As a result
, using
smartphones
 for
children
 in
ther
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their
 daily lives is a common practice.
However
, there are several disadvantages
of
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to
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 using
smartphones
. It can
exerts
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exert
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 an extremely negative influence on
developmental
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the developmental
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 stages of
child
Add an article
a child
show examples
in
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apply
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both physical and mental. For
instace
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instance
, if they invest a significant amount of time and energy
to
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in
show examples
 using
smartphones
 even at night, it causes a negative impact on their quality of
sleeping
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sleep
show examples
, decreasing their concentration in school.
Moreover
, evidence of
smartphones
effect
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affect
show examples
on
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apply
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their academic development in a negative way. They might not be able to study
consistantly
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consistently
, as they can’t focus solely on
study
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studying
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due to
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
. In conclusion, these days,
smartphones
 become a familiar device for
children
 because of
the
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apply
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various reasons
such
 as safety and improving skills.
However
,
rising
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the rising
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 of the time to use
smartphones
 does harm to maintain their health and disturb their studies. It has been greatly changing
children
’s way of life ever since it
is
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was
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 introduced.
Submitted by dksrlgus1017 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. For instance, provide more specific examples to support each point clearly and make connections between paragraphs smoother.
general
Pay attention to language accuracy. Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and enhance readability.
task achievement
Strengthen the support for your main points with more detailed examples and evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, giving a well-rounded response to the task.
task achievement
The main points are generally relevant and tackle the prompt directly, providing a complete response to the given topic.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to discuss both reasons for smartphone usage among children and the potential negative impacts, which balances the argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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