IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Children
Use synonyms
’s using
smartphones
Use synonyms
 habit is now one of the most controversial issues that people like to debate. I believe that
drawbacks
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the drawbacks
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 of using electronic
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 outweigh its benefits. When it comes to, the reason for
enormous
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the enormous
show examples
 using
smartphones
Use synonyms
 in
younger
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the younger
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 generation is the rapid development of technology.
Therefore
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, a lot of
children
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 are often exposed to numerous online media platforms, resulting in
increasing
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an increasing
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the
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apply
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number of
children
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 who use
smartphones
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 entire of the day.
Moreover
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, a vast majority of parents bought
smartphones
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to
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for
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children
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, as they believe that it may encourage their
acadmeic
Correct your spelling
academic
 and prevent
children
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 from being exposed to threats and emergency situations.
As a result
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, using
smartphones
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 for
children
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 in
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 daily lives is a common practice.
However
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, there are several disadvantages
of
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to
show examples
 using
smartphones
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. It can
exerts
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exert
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 an extremely negative influence on
developmental
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the developmental
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 stages of
child
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a child
show examples
in
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apply
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both physical and mental. For
instace
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instance
, if they invest a significant amount of time and energy
to
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in
show examples
 using
smartphones
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 even at night, it causes a negative impact on their quality of
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
, decreasing their concentration in school.
Moreover
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, evidence of
smartphones
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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on
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apply
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their academic development in a negative way. They might not be able to study
consistantly
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consistently
, as they can’t focus solely on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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due to
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
. In conclusion, these days,
smartphones
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 become a familiar device for
children
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 because of
the
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apply
show examples
various reasons
such
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 as safety and improving skills.
However
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,
rising
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the rising
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 of the time to use
smartphones
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 does harm to maintain their health and disturb their studies. It has been greatly changing
children
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’s way of life ever since it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 introduced.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. For instance, provide more specific examples to support each point clearly and make connections between paragraphs smoother.
general
Pay attention to language accuracy. Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and enhance readability.
task achievement
Strengthen the support for your main points with more detailed examples and evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, giving a well-rounded response to the task.
task achievement
The main points are generally relevant and tackle the prompt directly, providing a complete response to the given topic.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to discuss both reasons for smartphone usage among children and the potential negative impacts, which balances the argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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