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Band 4.5

Some people believe that children are too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time

#people #children #time #school #work
Recently, some
parent’s
Change noun form
parents
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in the method
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 their
chlidren’s
Change noun form
chlidren
show examples
passes
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their free
time
. Some people believe that children are given too much free
time
. They feel that
this
time
 should be used to do more
school
work
. In my opinion ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parent’s
Change noun form
parents
show examples
 don’t have the right to oblige their children to study all the
time
.
School
work
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a
time
. In
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free
time
,
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 want to change the
climat
Correct your spelling
climate
 of
school
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
show examples
work
. Différents
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 exist for
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
. For me, participation in
Correct article usage
a sportif
show examples
sportif
Correct your spelling
sports
club
. it is necessary for
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 to practice
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 in
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. For
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
, after
school
work
 ,
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
a sportif
show examples
sportif
Correct your spelling
sports
club
 (swimming, football,…). Practice a sport
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 more and more active and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them in their
school
work
.
Moreover
, dancing
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 help
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 to pass their free
time
. In
this
club
,
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of dancing
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 more active and practice more physical
mouvements
Correct your spelling
movements
movement
. In the same context , other
club
Change the wording
clubs
show examples
 propose
a social
Correct the article-noun agreement
social activities
a social activity
show examples
activities
. For
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
:
walk
Wrong verb form
walking
show examples
 in the forest,
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
, movie
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
,…
this
Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
show examples
activities
 help children to be more
interactif
Correct your spelling
interactive
,
intelligent
Correct word choice
and intelligent
show examples
, ….
This
 is important for success in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
work
. In vacancies,
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 can participate in special
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
. In
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 clubs ,
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 can learn a new language other
the
Change preposition
than the
show examples
 maternal language. In the same way,
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 can have courses in relation
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
school
work
. In summer many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
 organise special courses to help students
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their graduation. In sum, many
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 exist to help parents to organise the free
time
 for their
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
. It is
essentialy
Correct your spelling
essential
essentially
 to choose the more secure and
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
activities
.
Then
 , It is necessary to choose the
activities
 when
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to participate
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 win the spending
time
 in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
activities
.
Submitted by rabebhamdi on

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. For example, 'parent's' should be 'parents' and 'children’s' should be 'children'.
structure
Work on the structure of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting points are logically ordered.
vocabulary
Enhance your vocabulary; try to avoid repetition of words (e.g., 'children’s') and use synonyms when appropriate.
topic coverage
The essay covers a variety of activities that children can engage in during their free time, showing a clear engagement with the topic.
examples
The writer provides specific examples, such as participating in sports clubs and learning new languages, which support the main arguments.
balanced view
There is an attempt to provide a balanced view by highlighting the benefits of different activities for children’s development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unstructured free time
  • creativity
  • mental health development
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • sports
  • arts
  • social skills
  • family time
  • emotional growth
  • relationship building
  • rest and leisure
  • academic performance
  • burnout
What to do next:
Look at other essays: