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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charge below, give information about levels of education by age range in Glasgow in 2010 summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The chart illustrates the percentage of academic qualification in six different groups of age in Glasgow in 2010
Overall
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, the majority of people aged 16 to 50 got a college degree,
while
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 those who are 75 and over tend to have no qualifications. almost the age finished the high school programs,except the oldest one. The proportion of the 24-35 owned university degrees stood at 76%, 5% higher than that of groups 16-24 and 35-50, meanwhile, the figure for those who are 50-75 years old accounted for 50%.
In addition
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, at a smaller gap, 25% of the 75+ group achieved that certificate.
Unsimilary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, merely 9% of the first youngest groups did not have any qualification, but 30% of those falling into the 50-70 age bracket and even 72% of senior citizens in 2010. 20% of 16-to-24-year-olds, 35-to-50-year-old and 50-to-75-year-olds had chosen to complete the schooling, compared to 15% of the 24-35,
while
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 just 3% of the oldest bracket had graduated from school and decided not to pursue or university education.
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task achievement
Make sure to clarify the key points and ensure consistency in the essay. For example, instead of saying 'almost the age finished the high school programs,' consider rephrasing to something more clear and concise.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance readability. Using transition words or phrases can help better connect ideas across your essay.
coherence cohesion
Write a more definitive conclusion to summarize your findings clearly and highlight the main points derived from the data.
task achievement
You have effectively identified and compared relevant data points across age groups, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and body paragraphs. This organizational approach helps in presenting the information in a logical manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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