IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the news channels and media nowadays have sensationalised and influenced people’s lives in negative ways. Others disagree and say that it is also positive. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #news #channels #media #people’s #lives
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It is said that today
people
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's lives have been influenced and sensationalised in a negative way because of the
news
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channels
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 and
media
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,
while
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 some
people
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 disagree with it and think it is positive. One of the purposes of the channel
news
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 is to inform
people
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 about the latest
news
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 and current events.
While
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 some
channels
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 report fake and sensational
news
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 with the aim of attracting more viewers, many
people
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 seek reliable
news
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 from well-known
channels
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,
such
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 as The BBC and The Guardian, known for unbiased reporting.
This
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 trusted information empowers
people
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 to make well-informed decisions for their lives.
In addition
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,
people
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 tend to spend part of their time on
media
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, including television and social
media
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.
As a result
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, these platforms can offer opportunities to find entertaining and informative content.
However
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, there are concerns about the negative effects of the
media
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 and the
news
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 channel. Some
media
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 content may be inappropriate for children and influence their emotions and behaviours.
For example
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, by
crime
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 and violent movies, they may be encouraged to behave aggressively. And even they may
incite
Wrong verb form
be incited
show examples
 to commit
crime
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 offences in adulthood.
Furthermore
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, by broadcasting hourly unpleasant
news
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 and
crime
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 stories, some viewers may think the
crime
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 is widespread and they are vulnerable
as well as
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 threatened.
As a result
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 of
such
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 anxiety and stress, the well-being of individuals can be affected.
Nevertheless
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, the children's choices can be controlled by parents to not be allowed to watch unsafe and inappropriate items. The constant followers of
news
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 should
also
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 reduce their following to once or twice a day and search
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mainly on reliable sources. In conclusion, I think the
media
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 and the
news
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channels
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 can influence the way of
people
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's lives in a positive way because of their announcements and being educational. And negative effects of them can be controlled by parents' supervision and diminishing watching them.
Submitted by hg1984 on

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task achievement
Try to further elucidate your main points with more specific examples. This will make your argument stronger and clearer.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your transitions between ideas smoother. Sometimes connecting phrases can help make the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that highlights the main idea. This can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion in the conclusion, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely summarises the main points and offers a personal perspective, which is critical for a strong ending.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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