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Band 6.5

The bar graph below give information computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the year 2002 and 2010.

The bar graph below give information computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the year 2002 and 2010.
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The bar diagram compares the proportions of
owners
Use synonyms
 of computers in relation to the population from 2002 to 2010 and
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 level for the years 2002 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
 it is immediately apparent that
computer
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 increased with advancing age and
also
Linking Words
 with higher educational level. 2010 recorded the highest number of people who owned
computer
Use synonyms
 devices at nearly 80%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, only just below 60% of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 were
computer
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, approximately 65% of
computer
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 had
this
Linking Words
 device in 2006 whilst just below and above
this
Linking Words
 figure had the machine in 2004 and 2008 respectively. Turning to persons with formal education, the majority of
computer
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 had achieved the highest level of education (Postgraduate qualifiers) at 75% in 2002 with
20
Correct article usage
a 20
show examples
% increase in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, no high school diploma
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ranked the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 number of people who owned computers at about 15% in 2002 and close to half the
owners
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 Postgraduate qualification in 2010. Whilst about 85% of people who had these machines had
College
Correct article usage
a College
show examples
 education, around 20% less and more of
this
Linking Words
 number were High School graduates and
Bachelor
Change noun form
Bachelor's
show examples
 degree holders respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words owners, computer with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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