IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that parents should be punished if their children commit crimes because they are responsible for their children's actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals believe that the
parents
Use synonyms
 are accountable for their
child
Use synonyms
's crimes, and they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punishment in
such
Linking Words
 cases. I disagree with the idea of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parent retribution.
However
Linking Words
,
In
Change preposition
To
show examples
 some degree, the
parents
Use synonyms
 should
questioned
Change the verb form
question
be questioned
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
child
Use synonyms
's activities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, each individual must charge for their own
Use synonyms
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 they are
child
Use synonyms
 or adult to ensure a proper judgment system.
Therefore
Linking Words
, In the matter of unlawful
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 by a
child
Use synonyms
, so we should not prosecute their
parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, A
lawfullness
Correct your spelling
lawfulness
 person may perform some illegitimate
action
Use synonyms
 just because he or she wanted for self-pleasure,
hence
Linking Words
 it is inappropriate to punish his
parents
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Without retribution
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Add a comma
parents,
show examples
 we should just accept the fact that
parents
Use synonyms
 are
reasonable
Correct word choice
responsible
show examples
 for their
child
Use synonyms
's movements because when a
child
Use synonyms
born
Add a missing verb
is born
show examples
 he or she
Linking Words
initially
Add a missing verb
is initially
show examples
 faced
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 his
parents
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, if their families provided them a characteristics that
Add a missing verb
are
show examples
based on ethical values,
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
undertake
Wrong verb form
undertaking
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any criminal
action
Use synonyms
 will likely to eradicated.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential to ensure morality
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children through their
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
.
this
Linking Words
approch
Correct your spelling
approach
 may
life saving
Add a hyphen
life-saving
show examples
 in many cases. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 the
parents
Use synonyms
 should not charged
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 punishment for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
child
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
, it is obviously true that an individual
learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
 basic ethical roles
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 early age . To
adress
Correct your spelling
address
this
Linking Words
 issue, a proper education is needed in the matter of morality to children by the
parents
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What works well

2
structure

You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing your stance on the topic.

content

The essay addresses the topic and offers a balanced view considering both sides of the argument.

Improvement Suggestions

2
grammar

Be careful with grammatical accuracy. There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay. Consider revising sentences for correct tense and subject-verb agreement.

task achievement

Expand on your main points with clearer examples to strengthen your argument. Adding relevant specific facts or hypothetical scenarios could make your points more persuasive.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental responsibility
  • Upbringing
  • Influence
  • Accountability
  • Ethically justifiable
  • Legal ramifications
  • Systemic issues
  • Community programs
  • Personal choice
  • Peer influence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: