The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

#internet #information

Nowadays, the

internet

offers a lot of benefits in people’s lives,

however

, it produces new negative effects in society.

This

essay will explain the paramount

problems

that might appear of using the

internet

and propose the solutions for

this

issue.

To begin

with, one of the biggest

internet

threats

cybercrime

which never existed before.

Cybercrime

is the various kinds of crime acts which utilize the

internet

as a medium to attack people in order to obtain benefits. Based on the data pool from the Indonesia National Police cyber crime reports in 2024 tripled compared to 2020 consisting of scamming, personal data

leaked

Wrong verb form

leaking

show examples

, fraud and sexual content.

Moreover

health

problems

have emerged as new

threats

to individuals who often use the

internet

. People tend to have a sedentary life which less active and stick to the

internet

for a long time.

This

activity produces

health

problems

such

as obesity, eye-strain dan mental disorders.

Furthermore

, the possible solutions need collaborative action from the Government and society to tackle the

cybercrime

threats

. The authority should regulate

cybercrime

regulation and ensure all systems that operate follow the national safety procedure,

therefore

there is no hole for the perpetrator to carry out the crime.

On the other hand

, each of the citizens has to increase their awareness to protect their

internet

accounts.

In addition

, Parents have a crucial role in protecting their family from

health

issues by controlling and giving suggestions to have good time management

as well as

to have a work-life balance. In conclusion, the

internet

creates new

threats

to humankind that never existed before

such

as cyber crimes and

health

problems

Thus

, the government and society have to collaborate to tackle these issues to get a better life

Submitted by sofinnovita on Fri Jul 05 2024

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Further develop your paragraphs by providing deeper analysis or elaborations for each point to make your arguments more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to make your writing clearer and more professional.

coherence cohesion

Work on the logical flow between some sentences and paragraphs to make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.

coherence cohesion

You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

You have identified relevant and important issues related to the topic, such as cyber crime and health concerns.

task achievement

Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and provides thoughtful solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cybersecurity
phishing
identity theft
misinformation
fake news
social isolation
internet addiction
data privacy
digital literacy
regulations
awareness programs
manipulate
proliferation
consent
escalated

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The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Holding international games such as Olympic games is an exciting event. Some people think that it has positive effects while others argue it is a waste of money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people say that on order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environment pollution. To what extent that you agree or disagree?

Scientists and tourists can travel to the remote natural environment such as the south pole. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?