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Band 5.5

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

#internet #information
Nowadays, the
internet
 offers a lot of benefits in people’s lives,
however
, it produces new negative effects in society.
This
 essay will explain the paramount
problems
 that might appear of using the
internet
 and propose the solutions for
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, one of the biggest
internet
threats
 is
cybercrime
 which never existed before.
Cybercrime
 is the various kinds of crime acts which utilize the
internet
 as a medium to attack people in order to obtain benefits. Based on the data pool from the Indonesia National Police cyber crime reports in 2024 tripled compared to 2020 consisting of scamming, personal data
leaked
Wrong verb form
leaking
show examples
, fraud and sexual content.
Moreover
,
health
problems
 have emerged as new
threats
 to individuals who often use the
internet
. People tend to have a sedentary life which less active and stick to the
internet
 for a long time.
This
 activity produces
health
problems
such
 as obesity, eye-strain dan mental disorders.
Furthermore
, the possible solutions need collaborative action from the Government and society to tackle the
cybercrime
threats
. The authority should regulate
cybercrime
 regulation and ensure all systems that operate follow the national safety procedure,
therefore
 there is no hole for the perpetrator to carry out the crime.
On the other hand
, each of the citizens has to increase their awareness to protect their
internet
 accounts.
In addition
, Parents have a crucial role in protecting their family from
health
 issues by controlling and giving suggestions to have good time management
as well as
 to have a work-life balance. In conclusion, the
internet
 creates new
threats
 to humankind that never existed before
such
 as cyber crimes and
health
problems
.
Thus
, the government and society have to collaborate to tackle these issues to get a better life
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task achievement
Further develop your paragraphs by providing deeper analysis or elaborations for each point to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to make your writing clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between some sentences and paragraphs to make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified relevant and important issues related to the topic, such as cyber crime and health concerns.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and provides thoughtful solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cybersecurity
  • phishing
  • identity theft
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • social isolation
  • internet addiction
  • data privacy
  • digital literacy
  • regulations
  • awareness programs
  • manipulate
  • proliferation
  • consent
  • escalated
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