Some people think that work is the most important thing of people’s life. Without the success of career, life becomes meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #people’s #life #success #career

this

world, it is crucial to have a

job

that offers higher wages in order to survive. Certain individuals believe that a person's career is incomplete if they do not have a thriving profession. I fully concur with

this

statement, and the subsequent essay presents arguments that align with my viewpoint. To commence with, we require funds to support a household. Having a well-paying

job

enables us to support our family financially without any difficulties.

Moreover

, excelling in the industry results in promotions accompanied by increased salaries.

Therefore

, we are able to allocate a larger budget for our family.

This

leads to success in the individual's life. In Kerala, authorities conducted a survey among older parents which showed they are content with their children's success and social standing.

Secondly

, being employed in a field that the person enjoys can lead to increased happiness and contentment. Not feeling satisfied with a task can result in increased levels of stress and depression.

Additionally

, in

this

scenario, young individuals struggle to find purpose in their lives. They work in a

job

to earn a wage to support their family and to establish a status in society. One example is that a large portion of IT professionals lack motivation

due to

a lack of interest in their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

and pressures from their supervisors. In conclusion, ultimately, having a well-paying

job

that brings satisfaction makes a person's life fulfilling and stress-free. Without these elements, young people feel neglected by their families and unhappy in their professions.

Hence

, we should prioritize work as the most effective way to accomplish success in life.

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Sat Jul 06 2024

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introduction

Your introduction is clear, but consider adding one or two more sentences to expand on your stance, which will provide a stronger foundation for your essay.

logical structure

While your essay has a logical flow, some of the paragraphs feel loosely connected. Try to use more cohesive devices like transitional phrases to better link your ideas.

logical structure

For better cohesion, your body paragraphs should clearly reflect the aspects mentioned in the introduction, ensuring that each main point directly supports your stance.

relevant specific examples

Add more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This not only strengthens your points but also demonstrates your ability to apply ideas to real-world situations.

conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and reinforces your arguments, which leaves a strong final impression.

complete response

Your essay addresses the task and provides logical reasons and examples to support your opinion.

clear comprehensive ideas

The ideas in your essay are generally clear and comprehensible, which makes your arguments easy to follow.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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