Nowadays, more and more people don't wear their national clothes, and the clothes look almost the same all over the world. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
These days, the fashion industry has been developing
tremndously
than ever before Correct your spelling
tremendously
due to
the
globalization. Correct article usage
apply
As a result
, a large number of people
wish to wear other nation's attires than own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
territorie's
Correct your spelling
territories
dresses
even if look almost the same. However
, I think this
is a negative improvement and this
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
with, wearing international cloths
that can lead to affecting the national economy. Correct your spelling
clothes
This
is, local textile industries might be affected enormously due to
a lack of sales that
a majority of Correct word choice
and
people
will lose their employment and
Correct word choice
apply
this
lead to Correct pronoun usage
which
the
economic crisis. Correct article usage
an
For example
, Sri Lanka has faced teh
economic crisis Correct your spelling
the
in
recently because Change preposition
apply
of
their citizens have purchased Change preposition
apply
dresses
from other nations and they
did not contribute Correct pronoun usage
apply
their
Change preposition
to their
economy
improvement. Needless to sayReplace the word
economic
that
, not wearing the local designer's Correct word choice
apply
dresses
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
lead
to detrimental effects on society.
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
Furthermore
, it will affect the cultural heritage because every coutry
has Correct your spelling
country
own
cultural and traditional perspectives. Correct pronoun usage
its own
This
is, wearing modern attires could be
Verb problem
cause
lost
own identity of every nation, not wearing the national Replace the word
loss
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
erosion
of Correct article usage
the erosion
cultural
. Replace the word
culture
For instance
, wearing the
traditional Correct article usage
apply
dresses
in
special Change preposition
on
occassions
that Correct your spelling
occasions
mainatin
cultural preservation. Correct your spelling
maintain
Also
, wearing the uniformity of fashion can unite people
but this
creates the
Correct article usage
a
lose
of Replace the word
loss
uniqueness
Add an article
the uniqueness
of
the Change preposition
in
country
identity Change noun form
country's
to
around the world.
In conclusion, Change preposition
apply
the
fashion plays a Correct article usage
apply
crucla
role in Correct your spelling
crucial
people
lives. Not wearing Change noun form
people's
the
national Correct article usage
apply
attires
can lead to Fix the agreement mistake
attire
the
economic crisis Correct article usage
an
along
with
Change preposition
apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
affects
the nation's unique identity and cultural heritage. Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
Therefore
, I think wearing international cloths
rather than national Correct your spelling
clothes
dressses
is a Correct your spelling
dresses
dress
neagtive
breakthrough because it brings more negative consequences to society.Correct your spelling
negative
Submitted by reanudeepan on
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language
There are some grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that slightly hinder the readability of your essay. For example, words like 'tremndously' should be 'tremendously,' and 'neagtive' should be 'negative.' Additionally, phrases like 'own territorie's dresses' can be more fluidly expressed as 'their own national attire.' Revision for language accuracy will improve your score.
logical structure
The essay needs better structure in terms of logical flow. Each paragraph should ideally begin with a topic sentence that clearly outlines what the paragraph will discuss. The points you make could be more explicitly linked, ensuring smoother transitions between ideas.
task
Your examples are relevant, but they need to be integrated more effectively into your arguments. Make sure to clearly explain how each example supports your main points. For instance, elaborating a bit more on the Sri Lanka example and how exactly it relates to the economic consequences you're discussing will strengthen your argument.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and do a good job of laying out the argument and summarizing it.
examples
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and makes use of relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, such as the mention of Sri Lanka's economic crisis.
task
The essay covers various facets of the question, including the economic and cultural impacts, which shows a comprehensive approach to the task.