Is some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
While
it is widely claimed that children
in some cultures were taugh
to work hard in Correct your spelling
taught
tough
order
to achieve anything, others argue that this
message is potentially a misleads
towards Correct subject-verb agreement
mislead
youngster
in definitive results is hardworking. Both points of view and reasons why I agree with the latter statement will be elaborated on in Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
this
essay.
To begin
with, it may seems
sensible for some to believe that Change the verb form
seem
children
should be taught to put their own effort to gain
something they dreamed Change preposition
into gaining
for
Change preposition
of
is
part of promoting Correct your spelling
as
independency
. Correct your spelling
independence
This
is possibly because working hard considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
as
part of determination which Change preposition
apply
play
an important role in Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
chieving
something. Take foreign language exams, Correct your spelling
achieving
for example
; students need to study and revise the content daily in order
to pass the exams. Without enough practice and such
efforts, it is impossible for non-native speakers to understand the languages.
Many opponents of this
idea might opposed
that working hard does not always Change the verb form
oppose
be opposed
garaunteed
success. Correct your spelling
guaranteed
guarantee
To simply
Change preposition
Simply
explains
, Correct subject-verb agreement
explain
extra
effort of Add an article
the extra
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
children
sometimes mismatch
with the result. Correct subject-verb agreement
mismatches
For instance
, students might study daily and put an
Change preposition
in an
all nighter
might fail Add a hyphen
all-nighter
on
some tests Change preposition
apply
evenif
they put all their effort Correct your spelling
even if
on
it.
Change preposition
into
However
, I personally argue in favour of the possible negative effect of that message seeing that kids can ignore the possibility of unwanted result
which Fix the agreement mistake
results
resulting
in Wrong verb form
results
unable
to cope with failure. In Add a missing verb
being unable
this
respect, preparing them with an attitude of anything is possible to become success
and so Replace the word
successful
does
failure in Unnecessary verb
apply
real
world should be cultivated Add an article
the real
since
Change preposition
from
young
.
In summary, Correct article usage
a young
although
it is undeniable that we have to work hard in order
to gain something is
useful message to Unnecessary verb
apply
children
, I am of the opinion that it rather cause
a single-sided attitude and Replace the word
causes
needed
to be fixed in Wrong verb form
needs
order
to prepare them for the
reality once they become Correct article usage
apply
adult
.Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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coherence cohesion
Although you provided a structured essay, there are areas to improve logical progression. Ensure smooth transitions between points and consistent integration of examples.
task achievement
Your essay covers the task fairly well, but try to elaborate a bit more on key points and diversify your examples. This will provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
language
Try to improve accuracy in grammar and vocabulary use. Additionally, paying attention to sentence structure can help in conveying your ideas clearly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly introduces the topic and outlines the points that will be discussed within the essay.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by exploring both the advantages and disadvantages of the message being discussed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.