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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows what Anthropologie graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologist in work after five years

The chart below shows what Anthropologie graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologist in work after five years
#anthropologie #graduates #university #course #salaries #anthropologist #work #five #years
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart and table represent the information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 an
undergraduated
Correct your spelling
undergraduate
 Anthropologists'
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
paths
Fix the agreement mistake
path
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 from an unspecified university and show the amount of earnings
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 by a
five-years
Correct your spelling
five-year
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experience
Replace the word
experienced
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Anthropologists
Fix the agreement mistake
Anthropologist
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 working in three different employment, indicated in percentages and US dollars respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
an Anthropology graduates
Correct the article-noun agreement
Anthropology graduates
an Anthropology graduate
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 worked
as
Change preposition
at
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 a
Full-time
Fix capitalization
full-time
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 job,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 both
work
Wrong verb form
worked
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as
Change preposition
at
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 a part-time job and
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
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 postgraduate study was the least.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that
an anthropologists
Correct the article-noun agreement
anthropologists
an anthropologist
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worked
Correct pronoun usage
who worked
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 government sector received higher
salariese
Correct your spelling
salaries
 than those in private companies.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
52% of the
gradute
Correct your spelling
graduate
 students working full-time was the greatest
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
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 among other
career's
Change noun form
career
show examples
 choices, followed by part-time
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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, and unemployed, at 15% and 12%, respectively. Surprisingly, the ratio of students who
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
further
Linking Words
 study
along with
Linking Words
 being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full-time staff and unknown groups have the same figure at 8%, which is 3% higher than those who work
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a part-time job and study group. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
, it
Correct pronoun usage
this, it
show examples
 can be clearly seen that the majority of both government
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 and freelance consultants gain more than $75,000 up to about 80%,
whereas
Linking Words
 only 5% of the staff in both
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 less than $50,000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, slightly above
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of the employees that worked in private companies
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 of $50,000-$74,900 which was the greatest proportion.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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