IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In a number of countries some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new Railways land for very fast trains between cities. Others believe that money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both the views.

#countries #people #sum #money #railways #land #trains #cities #transport
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Whether a significant amount of money should be disbursed on constructing new railway
lines
Use synonyms
 for fast trains or if it should be spent on improving existing public
transport
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 is a highly debatable topic.
While
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 some people advocate for the construction of new railway
lines
Use synonyms
, others argue that the money should be spent on improving existing public
transport
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. In
this
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 essay, we will examine both perspectives and opine that it is better to invest money in improving a country's existing public transportation system. Proponents of constructing new railway
lines
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 for very fast trains argue that it would provide several benefits.
Firstly
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, it will reduce the travel time between cities, and improve the efficiency of transportation.
This
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 will lead to economic benefits as businesses
would
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will
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 have greater access to markets.
Moreover
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, it will reduce
traffic
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 congestion on busy roads.
For instance
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, countries like China, Spain, and Japan have reaped noteworthy benefits from their fast train networks, and those have reduced their citizen's commute time and
traffic
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 jams to a great extent.
On the other hand
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, those who advocate for improving existing public
transport
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 argue that it would be a better use of resources. By improving the existing public
transport
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 infrastructure, cities would become more accessible, and
this
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 would lead to a reduction in car usage.
This
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, in turn, would reduce
traffic
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 congestion and pollution, resulting in a cleaner and healthier environment.
Moreover
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, improving existing public
transport
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 would make it more affordable and accessible to a wider range of people, providing greater equity in transportation. In my opinion,
while
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 building new fast rail
lines
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 may be important for various reasons, improving existing public
transport
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 is far more essential and should be a priority.
This
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 is because improving existing public
transport
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 would make it more accessible and affordable to everyone. It will
also
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 decrease pollution and
traffic
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 congestion on the one hand and reduce carbon emissions
on the other hand
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.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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relevant specific examples
While the essay is well-organized, adding more detailed examples and evidence to support your arguments would provide a stronger support for your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Consider expanding the explanation of the benefits and drawbacks discussed to add depth to your analysis.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines both perspectives, setting up a solid structure for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively ties together the main points of your discussion and provides a clear opinion.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with clear topic sentences and well-structured paragraphs.
supported main points
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant arguments.
complete response
You have provided a complete response to the task, addressing both viewpoints comprehensively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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