IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #experiences #children #school #effect #future #life #teenagers #influence
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Some suggest that the childhood memories before going to school have the most
impact
 on their
life
while
 others say the juvenile experiences have a greater influence on their
life
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will present both sides of view with my opinion. On one hand, The infant memory seems to be the most significant
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
influence on
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of our
personality
. Several studies show
personality
 will not have significant changes since
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 older than 6 and
personality
 are strictly related to our behaviour or making decisions.
Furthermore
,
Personality
 decides the personal perspective of the subject which is the fundamental explanation of our reaction to a particular issue.
Although
 the reaction to
stimulate
Replace the word
stimulation
show examples
 may be different when we age, the opinion can be predicted by people who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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similar characteristics in
personality
.
On the other hand
, the
experience
 we gain
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 teenagers seems to
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a greater
impact
 on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Teenagers are likely to make decisions on their own without parental assistance. In
this
 particular
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time, they are applying the knowledge they have learned and seeking opportunities to find
a clues
Correct the article-noun agreement
clues
a clue
show examples
 to overcome difficulties and gain
experience
 in social interaction. Those personal experiences will benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
understanding
Change preposition
in understanding
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 strength they have and shape their behaviour which is more suitable for living in the community. To summarise, I think the precious
experience
 people gain during their youth period will have a greater
impact
 on their future lives. During
this
 age, they are more independent and less influenced by their parents. They have greater freedom and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opportunities to seek the goal of their own
life
.
Thus
, it has a greater
impact
 than the infant
experience
.
Submitted by andy1031227 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to develop more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This will help make your arguments more convincing.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and focused topic sentence that aligns well with the main ideas being discussed. This will improve the overall logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, work on making the transition between paragraphs smoother to enhance cohesion.
complete response
The essay addresses both views of the topic and provides a personal opinion, which strengthens task achievement.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and reinforces the writer’s viewpoint.
logical structure
The structure of the essay is easy to follow, with distinct paragraphs dedicated to each perspective and a final opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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