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Band 2.5

some schools require theire students to wear uniforms because They believe it helps the students focus on their schoolwork rather than on their clothes discuss this view and give your own opinion

#schools #theire #students #uniforms #focus #schoolwork #clothes
It’s
 required by some
schools
 to wear a specific
costum
Correct your spelling
costume
custom
while
 others aren’t . I think
it’s
 important to specify a
uniform
 so in
this
 essay, we will shed light on different views about
this
 issue.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 a number of
schools
specifies
Correct subject-verb agreement
specify
show examples
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 because they think that it helps scholars to focus on studying rather than spending time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choosing the best clothes
furthermore
, wearing different clothes
is justifying
Wrong verb form
justifies
show examples
 the different
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 classes, which can be a cause of bullying.
Also
, some students might feel inferior because they can get
clueless
Rephrase
as clueless
show examples
 as their
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
.
On the other hand
,
another
Replace the adjective
another school
other schools
show examples
schools
 another students to wear anything to make them feel comfortable without struggling with the uncomfortable
uniform
.
Hence
 it can be
incentive
Add an article
an incentive
show examples
 for learners to come to school as they want to look elegant in front of their friends. In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
schools
 should
specifies
Change the verb form
specify
show examples
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
 because it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 students
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on the main goal of coming to school and
it’s supports
Change the verb form
it supports
show examples
 avoiding bullying.
It’s
 important to set a
uniform
 and some
schools
 because it has a big role in controlling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
such
 as bullying and
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 them away from destruction.
Submitted by s.nafa2209 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. The introduction should introduce the main topic and your opinion without being abrupt. Each body paragraph should clearly relate to your main argument and include supporting details.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, provide more detailed scenarios on how uniforms can prevent bullying or improve focus.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas; instead, develop each point thoroughly before moving on to the next.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay has a clear viewpoint and addresses both perspectives on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reinforces the main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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